


Wonderwall

by Casloveshisfreckles



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Cockblock Jared, Cockles, Excessive Drinking, I hope you like pet names, I really hate tags, I said sometimes everything hurts, M/M, Rockstar Jensen, Shipper Jared, because i do - Freeform, but completely made up of my own headcannons, but it gets fixed I promise, caretaker!jensen, cockles mixtape, cockles on set, commitment ceremony, destiel is cockles fault, halz level angst, hurt!misha, its hard not to be romantic about cockles, jealous!jensen, loosely based on a general timeline, references to drinking, shameless flirting, sometimes everything hurts but its mostly a lot of fluff, the wives are completely supportive so don't freak out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-26
Updated: 2017-09-26
Packaged: 2018-12-06 22:24:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 39,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11610171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Casloveshisfreckles/pseuds/Casloveshisfreckles
Summary: Misha and Jensen have it figured out, which is a miracle in and of its own considering the lives they lead, but miracles are fleeting and often not built to last. It's a tough pill to swallow especially when they had thought they were going to be the exception.-Today was gonna be the dayBut they'll never throw it back to youBy now you should've somehowRealized what you're not to doI don't believe that anybodyFeels the way I do, about you now





	1. Maybe you’re gonna be the one that saves me

**Author's Note:**

> I originally wrote this for the Cockles Big Bang. I had never even written fan fiction, let alone RPF but something about these two just... made the words come really easy. 
> 
> Obviously, the normal disclaimers apply when it comes to RPF. This is my own shameless indulgence when it comes to Cockles.
> 
> There is a master playlist for this fic and it can be found [here](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLhyqv0_2arVoN5xuTzUVqVanGnR5iDc3k). 
> 
> Special thanks to:  
> Sharkfish and FanforFanatic for being the first to read this and love it. (Fan also helped me with my summary and for that I owe her 50% credit for everything I write forever.)(Read the small print on those demon contracts, kids.)  
> To my awesome beta SPNgreeneyes and Jad for her commas.  
> To Soba for telling me to "just post it already, Frecks!" and Halz for being my gbff and for always sitting next to me in the Cockles dumpster.  
> You can blame Remmy and the entire Firechat for this.
> 
> This story is complete and I'll be posting chapters weekly. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it!

The beginning was just that; a beginning that had an end. It all started out as an indulgence, for both of them.

The first time Misha Collins laid his eyes on Jensen Ackles, his world tilted a little. Misha never thought he had a type, until Jensen checked off boxes that he didn't even know existed: eye crinkles, bow legs, blushes when he talks about his mom, that sweet Texas twang that came out when he was drinking, and eyes so green that the word green doesn't even do them justice. A week in, and Misha knew he was screwed. 

The first time Jensen Ackles laid his eyes on Misha Collins, he did a double take. He knew Eric was introducing a new arc: Angels, and Jensen thought it sounded kinda cool. He knew that his new co-star was going to be a guy but the first time those barn doors burst open, the look on his face? That was 100% Jensen. Dean was nowhere to be seen. The fiery blue eyes, the hair... oh god Misha's hair. It's still his kink to this day, whenever he can make it go all wild like it did that very first moment. Something tripped in his stomach, something he hadn't felt in a long time. 

Once they got into a groove and a few weeks had passed, and Misha being Misha, he flirted shamelessly. At first, with everyone. He went in on Jared like he wanted to get in his pants. He would ease up once he saw Jensen start to fidget, jealousy making his eyes jade. He'd pivot on a dime, showering Jensen with the attention he was craving. He thought, why the fuck not? Misha wasn't planning on staying so what would it matter if he was brazen? It was mostly an act anyways. In reality, he was drawn to only one person on set. 

They both craved the attention of the other, practically insatiable. It made their acting stronger, believe it or not. The fans reacted accordingly, drawn to their chemistry. 

It's how Misha got signed on for the whole season, open ended in case they wanted to continue this story at the conclusion of Season 4. The fans loved Castiel so Castiel got to stay. It certainly shifted everything in Misha's life, including his game plan regarding a certain co-star. Meaning, he had to throw the plan out the window completely. 

***  
It's been a year. A whirlwind year, if you asked Misha. He was well into his second season on Supernatural, he had conventions under his belt, and he had two new best friends in his life. Oh, and he gets to make out with his gorgeous co-star whenever he wants. 

The flirting had just never stopped. Once Jensen knew Misha wasn't going anywhere, he started giving it right back. It was fun. It made Jensen feel hot, for a guy as sexy as Misha to turn his affection towards him. 

The first time they kissed, they were drunk on an amazing bottle of bourbon that Misha gave Jensen to celebrate his engagement to Danneel. Jensen was supposed to share it with her but they opened it anyways and after watching Misha sip out of one of his glencairn glasses all night, his throat working as he swallowed the amber liquid with each drink, Jensen was done. Switched to autopilot, he calmly put his glass down, pulled the glass out of Misha's hand, and slipped his arm around Misha's waist. Pushing Misha back into the couch, he zoned into the curve where Misha's neck and shoulder met and worked his mouth diligently up Misha’s throat and to his mouth. They kissed each other swollen and chapped until the sun came up the next day. 

The first time Misha sucked Jensen's cock, it was the night before his wedding. Jensen's groomsmen wanted to take him out for one last night of freedom and told him to bring his work buddies too. He invited Misha of course, because drinking with Misha was never boring. Shots of Patron were to blame when they ended up in the back of the obnoxious stretch Hummer that his brother had rented. That thing was surprisingly spacious and Misha had more than enough room to get on his knees for the groom to be. A couple of beers later were to thank for Jensen returning the favor in his hotel room at the end of the night. 

The first time they fucked was the last night they spent in Jensen’s apartment in Vancouver. It was the end of an era, he was making his final move back to Texas now that he was all married up. They had been packing all day and after dinner with Jared, Jensen and Misha were moving the final boxes to Misha’s apartment. There were a few things he needed to keep handy and Misha had offered up space in his office to store his stuff. 

“Are you sure about this man? I don’t want to take up too much room here.” Jensen was pretty sure Misha wanted to take back his offer. He’d been unusually quiet all day.

Misha snorted quietly. “Take up too much room…” he muttered, mostly to himself. Jensen had wormed his way completely into Misha’s life, taking over parts of his heart and brain that had otherwise been empty and silent. Misha sighed and rolled his eyes to the ceiling. 

“Jen, it’s fine. I told you that you’re welcome here anytime and by extension, that means your stuff is welcome here too. I’m actually looking forward to going through all these boxes later without you.” He looked over at Jensen with a gleam in his eye. 

Jensen huffed out a laugh. “That’s cool man. It’s mostly porn and t-shirts, a little light bondage equipment, you know whips, cuffs that sort of thing.” 

“Is that so?” Misha raised an eyebrow at Jensen and put down the box he was holding, making a move to open it. “Let’s unpack that one right now!”

Jensen threw his head back and laughed, that magical full body laugh that made Misha squirm with delight that he could draw such a response from such a gorgeous man. 

Jensen crossed the room and gathered the older man up in his arms. “You know things aren’t going to change that much, right?” he murmured in Misha’s ear, nosing at the space behind it. “I’ll still be around to annoy you when you’re trying to read, and cook you amazing dinners. Except now I have to do it in your kitchen. Which I’ll have to re-stock by the way. Maybe I should just move my kitchen stuff over here too…” Jensen seemed lost in thought. 

Misha flushed scarlet, embarrassed that Jensen seemed to read his mind about things changing and equally mortified by the picture Jensen was painting, talking like he wanted to play house with Misha in Vancouver. He pulled out of Jensen’s grasp, making as non-committal of a noise as he could. 

Misha turned towards the door, anxious to break apart the moment that was making him feel things he wasn’t ready to feel. “Whatever you want Jen. Let’s get back and finish up yeah?” Misha was halfway down the stairs before Jensen could even lock the door behind him. 

Jensen tried his hardest to break up the tension hanging heavy between them. Back at his apartment, he still had his turntable and one last box of records meant to go back to his trailer. He loaded up The Wall, hoping it would chill Misha out a bit. Together they closed the last few boxes from the kitchen, placing them by the front door. Apparently, those boxes were also going back to Misha’s later. The mattress and box spring was all that was left and it was exactly where Jensen pulled Misha down on top of him to nuzzle into his neck. 

“We’ve had some fun here Mish, I’m going to miss it.” Jensen couldn’t keep his mouth off of Misha. He could feel Misha becoming tense, despite what he was doing with his tongue. 

“I thought you said nothing was going to change Jensen.” Misha shut his eyes and rested their foreheads together. 

“I just meant… this place, these rooms. I kinda fell for you here, dude.” Jensen kissed him again. 

Misha smiled into their kisses. “Yeah, it’s been pretty great, being here with you. Now I’m going to actually have to keep my place clean or hear your bitching about dirty mugs and socks on the floor at my place.”

“Well, your running socks fucking stink, buddy. I’m helping you and myself with that one.” Jensen pulled him in tighter. He had planned to head back to his trailer but was suddenly feeling the pull of staying right where he was. “Do you think maybe… would you want to stay here tonight? With me?”

Jensen could feel Misha relax over him, a breathy moan caught in his throat. Suddenly, the room was 10 degrees hotter as they moved against each other. 

“Yeah Jen, I think I’d like that.” 

***  
The next morning, Jensen woke up in his apartment for the last time. Alone. 

***

Over the next few months, they figured out their new normal. If they were both in Vancouver at the same time, Jensen stayed at Misha’s place. When they were apart, there was the phone, texts, and some new feature that Apple had released called Facetime. During any particularly long separation, they’d get their little families together, Dani and Jensen flying to LA now that West was born. Vicki and Dani enjoyed each other's company and Jensen was smitten with West, even going so far to take diaper duty once in awhile. When they were all together, they were happy. Their wives especially enjoyed watching their husbands make heart eyes at each other, often teasing them mercilessly. 

It was after one of these trips to Los Angeles that Jensen had an idea. The four of them had taken West to the zoo, despite the fact that he could barely lift his head let alone know what an elephant was. The adults had fun anyways, stopping for dinner at a new brewery that had just opened. Jensen and Misha got pretty tipsy and ended up staying up too late, alternately talking about music and making out on the couch all night. Misha had his own collection of records and they had spent half the night listening to album after album. 

“Dude! You have _A Rush of Blood to the Head_? I fucking love this album!” Jensen put it aside to listen to next. 

“I think I have every Coldplay album actually. They’re a bit of a guilty pleasure.” Misha giggled as he got up to grab more beers. 

Jensen laughed. “Yeah man, I think we all have bands like that. Mine is Oasis.” 

Misha groaned. “Really? That’s so alt-rock of you!” 

“Come on man, _Definitely Maybe_ was legit and, and! “Champagne Supernova” was awesome. Plus it was the 90’s. What kind of shit were you listening to in the 90’s? Cut me some slack.” Jensen accepted the beer Misha handed him with a smile. 

“The Spice Girls. Obviously.” Misha smirked.

Jensen threw a pillow at him, laughing. They spent the rest of the night admitting to each other the awful music they listened to and just trying to hold on to the last hours they had before Jensen and Dani flew back to Austin the next day. 

Once Jensen was back home and settled in, he shot a text over to Misha.

Jensen 12:32pm: _Plans for tonight?_

Misha 12:44pm: _Recovery. I’m hungover and there’s some baby here who won’t stop crying_

Misha 12:46pm: _Where is this kids parent??_

Jensen 12:48pm: _Sorry to break it to you dude. It’s you. Probably misses his uncle Jensen already_

Misha 12:53pm: _Ok, I’ll put him on a plane_

Jensen 12:55pm: _Don’t think they let babies fly that young Mish_

Misha 12:58pm: _doesn’t hurt to try_

Jensen smirked. His boyfriend was an idiot. 

Jensen 1:00pm: _Alright father of the year. Wanna try something with me?_

Misha 1:05pm: _Phone sex? You know I’m always down for that_

Jensen 1:07pm: _Easy tiger. Not what I was thinking. But not taking it off the table either. ;)_

Misha 1:10pm: _Yes! ___

____

Misha 1:11pm: _What did you really have in mind?_

Jensen 1:15pm: _OK, tonight around 9:00 (your time), I’m going to send you a text with instructions. Set aside some time for me, ok?_

Misha 1:16pm: _Sounds kinky_

Jensen rolled his eyes. 

Jensen 1:18pm: _Are you in or what?_

Misha 1:20pm: _I’m always in for you Jen_

This time Jensen rolled his eyes and blushed.

Jensen 1:22pm: _Alright, until then sir. Go hold that kid, he might stop crying._

Misha 1:30pm: _I’ll give it a shot and if it doesn’t work, I’ll send his flight itinerary to you._

***

Jensen settled himself on a deck chair on his patio. His backyard overlooked Lake Austin and the moon was bright enough to light everything up. He had a glass of whiskey in one hand and his phone in the other. It was 10 minutes to 11 in Texas. 

He opened a new message to Misha.

Jensen 8:50pm: _Alright dude. Here goes. Grab a glass of whiskey and your headphones and head to the back. get comfy._

He knew Misha’s backyard faced Griffith Park and was currently lit by the same moon he was looking at. 

Jensen 8:54pm: _Settled?_

Misha 8:55pm: _Yes… You know how trusting I’m being right now? Is something going to attack me back here?_

Misha 8:56pm: _You’re not going to pop out of the bushes naked are you?_

Misha 8:56pm: _because I wouldn’t mind that_

Jensen 8:56pm: _shut up Mish_

Jensen 8:57pm: _Open this link and at 9:00 on the dot, press play. I’m going to do the same here. Got it?_

Misha 8:58pm: _yes sir_

Misha settled back in his chair. He was so tempted to press play, knowing the next few minutes would be torture. But he didn’t want to spoil it either; whatever this was, Jensen had put a lot of thought into it, and he felt his chest getting warm over the idea. 

The clock on his phone read 9:00 so he pressed play. 

The opening guitar riffs to “Wonderwall” started playing in his ears. He chuckled, remembering Jensen’s guilty pleasure. Another text from Jensen came in.

Jensen 9:01pm: _sometimes when I have trouble with words, I like to use lyrics._

Misha sucked in a sharp breath and closed his eyes.

**Today is gonna be the day**  
**That they're gonna throw it back to you**  
**By now you should've somehow**  
**Realized what you gotta do**  
**I don't believe that anybody**  
**Feels the way I do about you now**

**Backbeat, the word is on the street**  
**That the fire in your heart is out**  
**I'm sure you've heard it all before**  
**But you never really had a doubt**  
**I don't believe that anybody feels**  
**The way I do about you now**

**And all the roads we have to walk are winding**  
**And all the lights that lead us there are blinding**  
**There are many things that I would**  
**Like to say to you**  
**But I don't know how**

Jensen had his eyes closed, his cheeks burning and it wasn’t because of the whiskey. He heard the song on his flight home and immediately thought of Misha. He thought sending him the song was the best way to get his point across without having to make an ass of himself to Misha’s face. 

**Because maybe**  
**You're gonna be the one that saves me**  
**And after all**  
**You're my wonderwall**

**Today was gonna be the day**  
**But they'll never throw it back to you**  
**By now you should've somehow**  
**Realized what you're not to do**  
**I don't believe that anybody**  
**Feels the way I do**  
**About you now**

**And all the roads that lead you there were winding**  
**And all the lights that light the way are blinding**  
**There are many things that I would like to say to you**  
**But I don't know how**

**I said maybe**  
**You're gonna be the one that saves me**  
**And after all**  
**You're my wonderwall**

The song came to an end and Misha let out a breath he didn’t even realize he was holding. He stared into the sky, sipping his whiskey, a deep silence suddenly surrounding him. 

His phone buzzed in his hand. He answered it without looking.

“Mish…” Jensen’s soft voice came through the line. “What did you think?”

Misha let out another breath. “Jensen. You were right. Oasis was pretty legit.”

“Asshole.” Misha could hear the smile in Jensen’s voice. He was letting him off the hook of having to explain what he meant beyond the words in the song. 

They sat on the phone together, finishing off their drinks and enjoying the sounds of the world around them, the glow of the same moon. 

“Jen?” Misha was the first to break the silence.

“Yeah Mish?” Jensen braced himself. 

“Thank you. That was really lovely.” 

Jensen let out a sigh of relief. “You’re welcome, baby. Talk tomorrow?” 

Misha nodded and remembered that Jensen wasn’t there, even if every molecule in his body was craving him. 

“Yeah, talk tomorrow. Sweet dreams Jen.” 

“Night Mish.”

The line disconnected.


	2. Nobody said it'd be easy, it's such a shame for us to part

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who read/bookmarked/kudo'd and generally loved on my first chapter! Things are going to get a bit rocky for a bit but I hope you stick with it! 
> 
> The tags (if you want to call them that) have been updated!

The ceiling fan spun lazy circles above their heads. The late afternoon sun filtered into the room, casting long shadows over their bed. August had slid into September and the Santa Ana’s had kicked up, blowing warm air into the open windows. 

At that moment, Misha couldn’t help but think that everything was perfect. He had a beautiful wife with whom he had made a tiny perfect little human. He had an amazing job that was allowing him to help other people, something he had been working towards his whole life. And looking down, he had a perfect, perfect freckled man wrapped around his body. On second thought, that perfect man was currently drooling onto his stomach. Instead of being grossed out, he thought it was actually kinda cute. He knew it meant that Jensen was at his most relaxed so he really didn’t mind at all. He couldn’t help threading his fingers through the other man’s sandy hair, massaging his scalp gently. Jensen gave a hum of approval, tightening his arms around Misha’s waist. 

“Mmmm Mish… hungry. Got anything good to eat?” Jensen still hadn’t opened his eyes. 

“As a matter of fact, I made some kale chips the other day and I think there were some left when I looked last night.” Misha stared down at the man, one eyebrow raised. 

Jensen made a gagging noise and finally opened his eyes to glare up at his boyfriend. 

“Do I look like a rabbit to you?” Jensen scowled as he started to sit up. 

Misha rolled himself over to where Jensen was sitting on the edge of the bed. “Actually, now that I think about it, you are as cute as one. Just as cuddly too. C’mere little bunny…” He ran his fingers up Jensen’s sides, lightly tickling his skin, working kisses across his broad shoulders and back. 

Jensen whined a little, all the while preening under Misha’s affections. “Misha… fooood.” 

At that, Misha turned one of those kisses he was working on into a bite, sinking his teeth into the muscle of Jensen’s clavicle. He sucked hard and let go. “I ordered you a pizza about 15 minutes ago, little bunny. Should be here any minute.” 

“From Cheech’s?” Jensen looked at him with hopeful eyes. 

“Of course, I know it’s your favorite. Before you ask, yes I got you wings too. Carnivore.” Misha rolled over to pull on a shirt. 

Jensen leaned across the bed to pull the shirt up, kissing Misha’s lower back. “You’re the best, you know that?” He mumbled the words across Misha’s skin, working his mouth around to his hips. 

“Jen…” Misha warned, as the doorbell rang. “Told ya. Your dinner is served, Peter.” 

“Peter?” Jensen’s voice was muffled as he pulled his shirt over his head.

Misha rolled his eyes. “Peter Rabbit? Beatrix Potter? Geez, Jen…” Misha shook his head. “Just wait until you have kids.” 

Misha headed for the door to pay for dinner while Jensen set the table, pulling out plates and napkins. He grabbed a couple of beers and set it all up on the back patio. 

He walked up behind Misha, wrapping his arms around his waist. “I thought we could eat outside, catch the sunset.” 

Misha hummed, pressing back into Jensen. “Brilliant plan, Jen.” 

The stars had aligned, as they say, to put the two of them together in Los Angeles. Vicki had taken West to her mom’s for the week and Danneel was visiting her family in New Orleans. Jensen and Misha had just finished a convention in San Francisco and had decided on a whim to take advantage of a few more days off and head to Misha’s empty house before they had to be back in Vancouver. They had just begun shooting on Season 7 and both had to be back in Canada later that week for some re-shoots.

As they sat together at the table Jensen had helped him build a year ago, Misha’s thoughts drifted back to how perfect it all was. A tiny thread of doubt worked its way into his brain and he was unable to stop the negative thoughts, wondering when this delicate balance was going to come crashing down. It always did. Why would this time be any different? 

Misha pushed the idea out of his head to focus on the moment. Better to think about the sunset reflecting in those gorgeous green eyes that seemed to shine just for him. Misha shook away the negativity and decided he couldn’t miss a moment more with Jensen.

“Good pizza, eh little bunny?” 

Jensen just wrinkled his nose and leaned over and kissed him.   
  


***

 

Jensen paced in front of the production office. The night before last he had received scripts for the next 5 episodes. They were going to be shooting out of sequence again and Eric wanted them to be prepared for the storyline. His phone buzzed in his pocket and pulling it out, he saw that it was Misha. Again. He sent the call to his voicemail and his lockscreen came back up, showing 15 missed calls and an equal amount of voicemails. He didn’t even want to see how many unread texts he had. They weren’t all from Misha but he had ignored him long enough that Dani and Vicki were trying to reach him by now too. He had to get through this meeting before he could talk to any of them. Especially Misha. 

Jensen was pissed. Not one of the scripts he received had Castiel in them. Not a single one. Misha was back in L.A. and had called him yesterday morning asking if he had gotten scripts delivered yet, thinking his were late. Jensen had flat out lied, saying he hadn’t gotten them yet either and maybe someone had fucked up in production? He couldn’t be the one to tell Misha that he wasn’t in them. No way. Since then, he had been dodging the man like it was his job. He needed to find out what the fuck was going on. If they were firing Misha, someone needed to fucking tell him why. He wasn’t about to let that happen. 

“Jensen? They’re ready for you.”

 

***

 

Misha threw his phone down on the bed. 

“Still no answer?” Vicki asked gently as she watched her husband pace. “You’re going to wear a hole into the carpet, babe.” 

Misha shot her a glare. “Something is wrong Vicki. I know he’s not shooting right now. All Jared would tell me is that Jensen had some meeting with Sera and Ben but he wouldn’t tell me why. I know when that dumb moose is lying. He also let it slip that they got scripts a few days ago. What the fuck is going on Vic?” 

His phone started ringing. He lunged onto the bed to answer it, only to see that it was Eric calling. He felt his stomach drop.

“Misha? Do you have a minute? We need to talk.” 

 

***

 

Misha didn’t get out of bed for a week.

At some point, he thought he heard Jensen outside the door, arguing with Vicki. Something about seeing him, Vicki was refusing? He couldn’t quite remember, everything was pretty fuzzy by then. 

Vicki made him eat, forced him into the shower, and gently reminded him that he had a flight to Vancouver to catch. The last thing he wanted was to set foot in Canada but he had some shit to wrap up with the production team and a face to face with Eric, for some fucking reason. He really didn’t want to go. 

Vicki helped him pack. “You know Mish, Jensen has been calling every day. I think you should talk to him.” 

Misha shook his head. “I don’t want to talk to him. He knew, Vic. He knew and he let Eric tell me. I don’t want to talk about this.” 

Vicki sighed. “You don’t know that, Misha.” 

“I do know. That’s why he was avoiding me for 2 days. He knew the whole time. He was too chicken shit to tell me. It’s fucked up, everything is fucked. I fucked it all up, as usual.” Misha threw more clothes into his bag, not even looking at what he was packing. 

“Oh knock it off, Misha. Just stop. This self deprecating bullshit is so ugly. Go to Vancouver, take your meetings, and talk to your fucking boyfriend. When you get back, this self wallowing is over, you hear me? This is a tiny bump in the road. We’ve conquered mountains. Now hurry up before you miss your flight.” She left the room, the door shutting softly behind her. 

Misha sighed and zipped up his bag. She was right, they would get through this. They always did. 

He still didn’t want to talk to Jensen. 

 

***

 

Jensen knew that Misha was back on set. He had bribed a few of the PA’s with really expensive bottles of whiskey if they agreed to be his lookouts. Misha was still refusing his calls and he knew he only had one shot to talk to the man face to face. Misha wouldn’t like it but Jensen was beyond caring. 

His phone buzzed with a new text:  _ Misha’s in his trailer. _

Jensen left the food tent, his dinner untouched. He made his way to Misha’s trailer, trying the door. It was locked of course but he could hear someone inside, moving around. He got out his key and opened the door. 

Misha stood in the kitchenette, throwing things in a box. He looked up into green eyes burning with fury, and froze. 

“Fuck. I forgot you had a key.” He ran both hands through his hair, making it go wild. 

Jensen could feel the rage seep out of him. He crossed the room, intending to take Misha into his arms. 

Misha stepped back, holding out a hand. “Jensen. Stop. Please.” 

Jensen froze on the spot. “Mish… I didn’t know. I swear. I swear, baby, I had no idea.” 

Misha’s eyes were cold when he looked at him. “I don’t believe you.” 

“How can you fucking say that to me, man? How? I’ve been freaking the fuck out for a week. I’m so fucking pissed, everything is so fucked. It’s taking me forever to shoot this episode, everyone is pissed at me. We’re --” Jensen stopped short when he looked back at Misha. 

“Are you fucking serious right now, Jensen? Like I give a fuck about the episode you’re shooting.” Misha turned and started throwing things into the box again. “I’m packing up my fucking trailer and you’re worried about your coverage. Un-fucking-believable.” 

Jensen dragged a hand over his face. “I’m sorry Mish, you’re right. I’m sorry. What can I do? Can I help? Tell me what to do here babe, please.” 

“Well for one, you can stop calling me babe.” There was a bitter tone to Misha’s voice. “And then, you can get the fuck out and go work on your lines or something. I’ll be fine.” 

Jensen took a deep breath. He could feel his blood starting to boil and he really wanted to be patient but Misha was making it really fucking hard. 

“Alright Mish, I’m going to just… I’ll just… “ Jensen tripped over his words. He didn’t want to go, he didn’t want to leave the man’s side. “I’m going to see what’s in the closets ok, see what else needs to be packed up.” He turned to go to the other side of the trailer. 

“No.” 

Jensen stopped dead in his tracks. He turned slowly to see Misha standing in front of his desk, his hands clenched into fists. 

“I’m out, Jensen!” Misha was practically screaming at him now. “I’m out, Cas is dead! I’m packing my shit because I don’t work here anymore. So why the fuck are you still here?” 

Jensen blinked. “I’m here because I… Because we…” He gestured between them, desperately hoping Misha was getting his point. 

“Do you really think that we’re going to be able to maintain ANY sort of relationship if we’re only seeing each other once or twice a month at a con, IF we’re lucky? Come on, I know you’re not stupid. This was never meant to be long term anyways, right? Let’s not kid ourselves, this was never love. It was convenience, right? Let’s just leave it alone.”

Jensen reeled back, feeling like he had been slapped. He quickly composed himself, trying not to give away the rage, the pain, and the longing he was feeling for the man standing across from him.

He narrowed his eyes and clenched his jaw.

“Fuck you, Misha.” His tried filling his voice with as much venom as he could muster. “I’m not gonna to do this with you. I will not be your punching bag because you’re pissed off at the world. I didn’t write the stupid script and if you can’t believe that I’ve gone to the producers myself and talked to them about this direction, well there’s nothing I can do about that.” 

“So you talked to Sera. What the fuck for? It’s done.” Misha just looked annoyed.

“Yeah, man. I talked to Sera and when she wouldn’t listen, I went straight to Eric. But whatever because you’re done. So really, none of this even matters, does it?” Jensen clenched his fists, anything to keep Misha from seeing how badly his hands were shaking. 

Misha turned away. He couldn’t stand the look on Jensen’s face, hated himself for being the one to put it there. He was too pissed off and too proud to ask Jensen what Eric had said. Especially when it came to his job, his livelihood. West was still a baby and Vicki was already talking about number two and now here he was, out of a job. He was downright terrified, but he couldn’t let Jensen see that. 

“Just go, Jensen. You want something to do? You want to help me out?” A sarcastic tone had entered his voice. “Just fucking get out of here.” 

Jensen’s eyes glittered with tears. “No, Misha. I’m not going to go, I’m not going to let you do this. I’ll fight for us, even if you won’t. I’m staying right --”

Misha cut him off again, his voice full of pain. “You couldn’t even tell me I wasn’t scripted, Jensen. The fuck makes you think that there’s an ‘us’ to be saved? If that was the case, you would have been the first to tell me, would have asked me to be in that meeting with you. And now you think that when I leave here, there’s going to be an ‘us’? Give me a break. You can’t handle what we have now, what makes you think you’re going to be able to do it when you’re not seeing me on a regular basis? Just do me a favor and go, ok? I need to finish this and get the fuck back home to my wife and baby.” 

Something in Jensen broke then. Misha didn’t want him, he didn’t want his help to get through this. Jensen wiped his eyes and squared his shoulders. He walked to the door and turned again to look at Misha. The man had his back to him. Jensen pulled something from his pocket and dropped it on the counter. It was his keys to the trailer, Misha’s apartment, and the house in L.A. He walked out the door. 

Misha heard the keys hit the countertop, the keychain from Rome they had picked out together earlier that summer hitting the table with a smack. He flinched, and finally let the tears roll down his cheeks. 

 

***

 

Month 1

Jensen watched Misha act like a total asshole in Birmingham. Jensen tried to talk to him, but Darius wouldn’t let him even get close. 

 

***

 

Month 2 

Jensen is trying to get back to normal, he feels so close. Then Jared’s dumb ass sends him one of Misha’s tweets. “This is too much too fast. Its not u, its me.” The fuck was Misha playing at? 

 

***

 

Month 3

Jensen gets the call from Eric himself. 

“We’ve asked Misha back and he’s agreed.” 

 

***

 

Month 4

Misha is back on set and Jensen is secretly thrilled. He arranges a steak dinner and a bottle of the same bourbon Misha bought for him to be waiting in his trailer. There’s a small, handwritten note included: “Welcome back”. What looks like a tiny bunny is drawn in the corner. 

Misha saves the note.

 

***

 

Another month passes and they figure out their new normal. Again. Misha has started to talk to him again, so Jensen is pretty happy about that. Misha let Jared add him back to their group chat and it feels like old times between the three of them. Even though they seem to be back on speaking terms, Jensen misses Misha fiercely. He catches himself staring across rooms at him, his heart pounding in his chest when they are next to one another. Misha catches him, too.

Jensen is bursting to talk to Misha; really talk to him. They used to spend hours talking, laughing. Jensen wants to tell Misha everything. Everything he didn’t get to say before they split, everything he’s wanted to tell him in the last few months. Misha has deftly avoided every opportunity for them to be alone and it’s making Jensen crazy. 

Since they were texting again, Jensen decided to throw himself on the sword. He figured fuck it, what’s the worst that could happen? Misha won’t speak to him again? Been there, done that. He had to know. 

He waited until he knew they were almost done shooting for the night. The PA’s were still rooting for him and he didn’t even need to bribe them with more bottles, even if he did cover their rounds more often than not. He had the heads up that he and Misha had about 30 minutes left and then they would be done for the night. Early call time meant everyone was trailer crashing tonight. 

Jensen sent his text.

Jensen 9:45pm:  _ hey Mish, got any of that awesome bourbon left?  _

Jensen 9:46pm:  _ If so, pour yourself a glass tonight, around 10:30 _

Jensen 9:46pm:  _ Open this link and press play at 10:30 on the dot. please Mish _

Jensen turned his phone off and got to his mark. He had to get through the next 30 minutes. He didn’t look at his phone again. 

 

*** 

 

Misha could feel his phone buzzing in his pocket. He was tired but glad they would be done soon. For some reason, the PAs had been overly nice to him lately, giving him a heads up about filming schedules and also Jensen and Jared’s location around set at any given time. 

Misha saw 3 new messages, all from Jensen. Curiosity would kill him, so he opened them. As he read them, he could feel his face growing hot. Was Jensen for real? He looked over at the man. He was deep in conversation with the director, not a hair out of place. 

“Misha! You’re really red, are you ok?” His stylist was freaking out. He needed to calm down.

 

*** 

 

“That’s a wrap for the night people! See you bright and early!”

Jensen heaved a huge sigh of relief. He busied himself with wardrobe, peeling off some layers before he turned, only to see a fairly empty room. The chair Misha was occupying was empty. Jensen took a deep breath and headed for his trailer. 

 

***

 

Misha paced. He was back to pacing, apparently. The shit Jensen made him do. He was anxious; a little terrified of what Jensen had sent him. Did he want to know? Did he not want to know and then just wonder? He snapped his fingers and decided to just go with it. 

He poured himself a glass of bourbon, as instructed. He connected the phone to the bluetooth system and at 10:30 on the dot, he pressed play. 

As the piano started and his trailer filled with music, Misha’s eyes filled with tears. He closed his eyes. 

 

**Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry**

**You don't know how lovely you are**

 

**I had to find you**

**Tell you I need you**

**Tell you I set you apart**

 

**Tell me your secrets**

**And ask me your questions**

**Oh, let's go back to the start**

 

**Running in circles**

**Coming up tails**

**Heads on a science apart**

 

Tears were streaming down Misha’s face. He didn’t even try to wipe them away.

 

**Nobody said it was easy**

**It's such a shame for us to part**

**Nobody said it was easy**

**No one ever said it would be this hard**

 

**Oh, take me back to the start**

 

Jensen sat and listened to the song. Everything felt heavy around him and he had to rest his head on his arms, or else be buried by the weight of it. He waited.

 

**I was just guessing**

**At numbers and figures**

**Pulling the puzzles apart**

 

**Questions of science**

**Science and progress**

**Do not speak as loud as my heart**

 

**Tell me you love me**

**Come back and haunt me**

**Oh, and I rush to the start**

 

**Running in circles**

**Chasing our tails**

**Coming back as we are**

 

Misha finally caught his breath. He drank what was left of the bourbon and made a decision. 

 

**Nobody said it was easy**

**Oh, it's such a shame for us to part**

**Nobody said it was easy**

**No one ever said it would be so hard**

 

**I'm going back to the start**

 

The song ended and Jensen listened to the silence. He gripped his phone, willing it to ring. The seconds ticked by and the phone stayed silent. 

Jensen could feel himself coming apart. He had his answer. 

There was a knock on the door. Jensen stood, feeling like his heart was skipping every other beat. He opened the door. 

Misha stood below him, staring up at him with red-rimmed eyes. 

“'The Scientist', Jen? Really?” Misha gave him a slight smile. “May I come in?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Master playlist can be found [here](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLhyqv0_2arVoN5xuTzUVqVanGnR5iDc3k).
> 
> Songs used in this chapter:  
> [The Scientist - Coldplay](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RB-RcX5DS5A).
> 
> Come say hi on [Tumblr!](https://casloveshisfreckles.tumblr.com/)


	3. Yeah the truth is, I miss you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "It's always darkest before the dawn." 
> 
> My apologies for making it hurt.

Misha had decided long before Jensen sent the song that he wanted to talk to the man. He had been back for sometime and truth be told, he really missed his best friend. But if he was being really honest with himself, he was still angry. He knew that it didn’t matter, not really, if Jensen knew that he was being let go. He knew he was being petty but aside from his anger, he was hurt. He had thought they were better together, that Jensen would have immediately come to him so they could tackle what had happened together. It hurt him deeply that Jensen left him alone to deal with everything.

Regardless of all that, he wasn’t expecting any real answers. He wasn’t even planning on pushing for them. He mostly just wanted to sit with the man and catch up. Based on his song choice, he assumed Jensen wanted him back. He just didn’t think he was ready for that. Everything still hurt too much.

He knocked on the door of the trailer.

“May I come in?”

***

Jensen pulled the door all the way open. He gestured for Misha to come in from the cold. He was so nervous, so happy, so relieved that Misha came. Everything inside of him wanted to latch onto the man and not let go but his instincts were screaming at him to play it cool. He didn’t want to scare him away.

He clapped Misha on the shoulder as he entered the trailer. “Can I get you a drink? Something to eat?”  _ My undying loyalty and admiration for as long as we both shall live? _

OK, he really needed to get a grip. Jensen took a deep breath and pulled out another glass for Misha before he could answer and possibly turn him down. It was the same set of glencairn glasses they used the night they first kissed. Jensen tried not to think about that.

“So how’ve you been, Mish? It’s fucking awesome to have you back. Everyone really missed you around here. Just wasn’t the same without you man. Kinda boring, actually. I’m really glad you’re back. How’s West? Miss that little dude. How’s Vic? How’s the book coming along?” He looked at Misha expectantly, a big open smile on his face.

Misha coughed, trying to hide a smile. He knew Jensen tended to ramble when he was nervous. “Can I have my drink?”

Jensen looked down and realized that he was still holding the glass. He thrust it at Misha, blushing red. He rubbed the back of his neck. “Sorry, Mish. I’m kinda nervous. I uh… I missed you.” He finished speaking softly, taking a hesitant step closer to Misha.

“Jensen.”

Misha was able to stop him with just the tone of his voice. Misha’s voice held no anger, no hesitation, just sincerity. 

“Vicki’s pregnant.”

 

***

 

Misha leaned against the countertop and sipped his drink. His heart was pounding out of his chest, waiting for Jensen’s reaction. He tried to keep his face neutral since it tended to give him away most of the time. He watched a jumble of emotions cross over Jensen’s face until it finally settled on what looked like joy. His green eyes shined. Before Misha could even blink, he found himself in Jensen’s arms.

“Dude! That is so exciting, holy crap! Another baby! Congratulations, seriously. Wow.” Jensen was shaking his head, the smile still plastered on his face. “Do you know what you’re having? Boy? Girl? I hope it's a girl, how cool would that be? One of each!” 

Misha couldn’t stop himself from smiling wide. He was kind of expecting a different reaction but this one was pretty great. “It’s early days still. Due in September. We won’t know the sex for a few months yet.” He cleared his throat. “Um, we haven’t exactly made it public and I haven’t told Eric or anyone, so I’d appreciate it if you didn’t mention it. Not even to Jared.” 

Jensen looked at him in surprise. “You think I’d go around blabbing your business, Mish? No way, never. Not even to Jared. I promise. I really don’t want to do anything that might betray your trust again, Misha. I swear.”

“Thanks, Jen. I really appreciate that.” Misha turned to refill his glass. He sighed. “So… the song…”

Jensen rubbed the back of his neck again. “Look Mish, I really hate how we left things. I keep replaying that day over and over, I’ve been doing it for months. I shouldn’t have walked out. I should’ve stayed and fixed things. I’m sorry for that. I’m sorry I didn’t go to you first and I’m sorry I lied about the scripts. I just really thought I could talk to Eric and fix it, you know? I didn’t want… I never wanted what we had to end. It was good you know? At least I thought it was good. Great even. I just really need you to know that I’m sorry and that I’d never ever do anything to hurt you again. You’re too important to me, man.” 

Misha sighed again. “I still don’t understand why you decided to go to Eric. Especially without talking to me first. Or even taking me with you!” 

“I don’t know man. I got the scripts, you weren’t in them and I guess I just panicked. I thought I could throw my weight around a little, considering I’ve never been THAT guy. Thought maybe he would listen to me. Instead he gave me the ‘no one ever really dies on this show’ line but he wouldn’t elaborate any further. He told me he was calling you as soon as I walked out the door and by the time I got back to my trailer to call you, Vicki wouldn’t let me speak to you.” Jensen chuckled darkly. “Man, that woman of yours is fierce. She sure gave me an earful when I called.” 

Misha smiled fondly. “Yeah, she’s really uh, protective.” He gestured for Jensen to continue. 

“Yeah, I really thought she was going to bury me in the backyard when I showed up at the — ” Misha cut him off.

“Wait, wait. You came to the house? That was real? I thought I dreamt that.” Misha had a dazed look on his face. 

“I flew to L.A. as soon as I could Mish. I needed yo—I needed to try and explain… Vic wouldn’t let me see you. I got as far as the bedroom door and she wouldn’t let me in. I sat in your driveway for about six hours before Jared and Dani convinced me to leave. It was pretty awful.” It was Jensen’s turn to refill his glass. He was approaching drunk very quickly. 

Misha slammed his empty glass down on the counter. He realized he was a little drunk as well. Drunk and angry Misha was not a good combination. 

“Was it awful for you Jensen? Was it? Was it as awful as losing your job and someone you lo—someone you trust all in the same week? Because let me tell you something about that. Let me explain how it feels to have the floor drop out from under you, not knowing where your next check was going to be coming from, all the while having a brand new baby to take care of. And yeah, surprise surprise, I fell apart. It’s really fucking painful to feel your heart actually break, when you thought that for once you were finally at a place in your life where that wasn’t going to happen anymore. Man, I was certainly stupid.” Misha felt defeated, again. “I was really hopeful that you weren’t going to hurt me Jen. I was wrong about that.” 

He looked up, only to see silent tears rolling down Jensen’s face. “I should go. I wish… I wish everything was different. I wish I didn’t feel so angry still. I wish I didn’t feel anything, actually.” He turned to leave. 

“Misha, please. Wait. What can I do? Please tell me what to do.” Jensen looked and sounded completely broken. 

“I can’t tell you that, Jensen. I can’t. I’m just not there yet.” He opened the door and walked out into the night, his heart in pieces again. 

 

***

Jensen stared at the closing door. By the time it shut behind Misha, he was on the floor. He didn’t even know how he got there. Somehow the bottle of bourbon had made it’s way down there too. He couldn’t put his thoughts in order. He felt broken, empty; he could feel that his cheeks were wet but he didn’t really know if he was crying or not. 

His phone started ringing. He was on autopilot as he pulled the phone out of his pocket to see that Dani was calling him. She knew he was going to try and talk to Misha tonight. He answered without saying a word. 

“Hey love… how did it go? Did he like the song? Wait, is he still there? Am I interrupting something?” Jensen could hear the smile on her face. He let out a sob. 

“He left Dee. He -- he was here and he got mad and he walked out. He said he thought I would never hurt him and I did and he left. Dee… I don’t know what to do.” The tears came easily now. 

“Oh Jen, honey it’s ok. It’s going to be ok. I’m going to call Jared ok? Just… don’t move. I’m going to call Jared. Jen? Ok?” Dani felt frantic. She heard Jensen make a noise which she took as the green light to call Jared. 

Not wanting to disconnect her call with Jensen, she went to the landline and dialed Jared’s number. “Jare? I need you to go to Jen’s trailer. Now. It didn’t go well.” 

 

***

 

Jared pushed open the door to Jensen’s trailer, not knowing what to expect. Danneel just told him to get his ass over there so he did. He doesn’t question her. All he knew was that Jensen and Misha’s talk did not go well and that Jen was upset. 

“Jensen? Jen? Where you at bud?” Jared couldn’t see anyone after his first initial sweep of the trailer. Walking to the kitchen, he almost tripped over Jensen’s foot sticking out from behind the island. Jensen was slumped against the it, looking absolutely destroyed.

“What the fuck man?!” He rushed down to his friends side, pulling the cell phone and the now empty bottle of bourbon from his hands. Dani was still on the line. “Dani, I’m here. I’ve got him. Gonna throw his ass in bed. I’ll call you in the morning.”

Jensen stared up at his best friend. “He left Jared. He left me. Again. I fucked up and said something stupid. Again. He hates me. I ruined things between us. Again. He’s right you know, he’s right.”

Jensen was nearly incoherent. Jared grabbed some tissues and wiped his friend’s face. “Jen, buddy, come on. Let’s get you into bed. Come on.” He pulled the other man up by his arms, careful not to jostle him too much to ensure that the bourbon stayed in his stomach. He walked Jensen up to the bed and set him down into the pillows. 

Jared was pissed. Fuck Misha for leaving Jensen this way. He said as much as he pulled off Jensen’s boots. “I swear, I’m going to kick his ass. I’m going to walk over there and punch him right in the face.”

“No man, you don't get it.” Jensen gripped Jared’s arm. “ _ I _ hurt  _ him _ . He told me that he trusted me not to hurt him and I did it anyways. He said it like I meant to, like he was expecting it the whole time. Why would he think that? Because I’m horrible and I hurt the people I love, that’s why.” Jensen’s speech was slurred.

Jared snapped his head up from trying to pull the comforter out from under Jensen. Did he just say he loved Misha? Fuck, he thought. Now he can’t possibly hit him, can he? 

“Jen, bud… Do you love Misha?” Jared had to ask. He needed Jensen to confirm the thing he already knew. 

“Shhh man, yeah of course I do but you know, he doesn’t know that so shut up about it. Don’t tell him. But I should tell him. I’m gonna go tell him. Maybe he’ll come back.” Jensen tried to get up but fell back onto the bed. A string of curses came out as he started crying again. 

“Jare, please. Can you go make sure he’s ok? I need to know he’s ok Jared, please. He’s hurt, I hurt him and I need you to check on him.” Jensen was back to gripping his arm. Jared rolled his eyes. Of course Jensen wanted him to check on Misha. Even in his drunken state, he was selfless. 

“Ok, ok. I’ll go check on him. But this isn’t your fault, ok man? Seriously, you did nothing wrong. You were trying to do your best by him and he shut you out. I know that hurt. But it wasn’t your fault. You’re both just idiots about each other. Just go to sleep, please. Relax bud…” By the time Jared was done speaking, Jensen was out. Jared tucked the blanket around him and left some water and the bottle of Motrin on the bedside table. Jensen was in for one hell of a hangover. 

Jared shut all the lights off and locked the trailer door behind him. He turned, sighed, and stalked in the direction of Misha’s trailer. 

 

***

 

As he walked to his trailer, Misha furiously wiped the tears from his eyes. What the fuck was wrong with him; he told himself he wasn’t going to cry over Jensen anymore and he was doing it for the second time that night. The image of Jensen with tears rolling down his cheeks popped into his head. He could hear Jensen’s broken voice playing over and over, ‘ _ what can I do? _ ’ He shoved his fist in his mouth to muffle a sob and forced his mind blank. 

He got back to his trailer and immediately started in on the bottle of bourbon. He sat down on the couch, laptop on the table in front of him, screen still on. The bourbon made him open a folder he hadn’t opened in months. Since he loved to punish himself, he scrolled through picture after picture of him and Jensen together. Their selfies on set together, pictures he copied from tumblr of them together, pictures that Dani and Vicki had sent to him. His favorite pictures were there, haunting him. One from the first time Jensen held West, his green eyes shining with tears of joy and love. One from their trip to the zoo and another of Jensen surrounded by records, his head thrown back in laughter at something Misha had said. That one was his wallpaper for a long time. The next was of Jensen sitting in his backyard, lit by the sun setting behind him. Misha could tell he was the one who took the picture; he could tell by the smile on Jensen’s face, the laughter in his eyes. He felt something crack in his chest.

That’s how Jared found him, tears streaming down his face, staring at that exact picture. The fight went out of Jared immediately once he saw the state Misha was in. Misha was his friend too and seeing him like this and knowing the reason was not easy. 

“Hey… Misha? Can I come in?” Jared was standing in the doorway, hesitant. He didn’t want to freak the man out. 

“Jared, please. If you’re here to defend Jensen’s honor, I’m not interested.” Misha knew he probably deserved Jared’s wrath, but really didn’t want to fight right now. 

“Actually man, he sent me here to check on you. Said he hurt you, just like you thought he would. Said he’d fucked up again and he just wanted to make sure you were ok.” Jared couldn’t help himself. He knew Misha was hurting but he couldn’t stop himself from throwing in a few barbs on Jensen’s behalf. 

He could see Misha actually flinch at his words. He watched Misha’s shoulders sag in defeat. Jared felt bad then, and made his way over to the couch. He lightly closed the laptop. Only then did Misha look up at him. 

He was wrecked. He didn’t look angry, he looked just as broken as Jensen had. 

Jared gently pulled the bourbon away from Misha and took it to the kitchen. He put the bottle away and filled a glass of water to give to his friend. He handed it over and sat on the arm of the couch.

“Here, drink this. Jensen really did send me over here. Dani called me in a panic because Jensen was crying so bad and it freaked her out. I got there and had to pour him into bed. I’m not telling you this to punish you, I just need you to understand your reach here Misha. Jensen really does care for you. More than I even assumed. I had to pick up the pieces the last time this happened. It sucked dude.”

Misha was still looking at him, his face full of sorrow. “I’m sorry Jared. I’m sorry you keep getting dragged into this. It’s so stupid right? Like a god damn romantic comedy.” Misha was trying really hard to make light of this. 

Jared held his hand up. “Just stop Misha. Seriously. I know you care, stop trying to pretend this isn’t killing you too. You might put up a front, but I know you better than that. Maybe if you were honest with Jensen and more importantly, honest with yourself, you wouldn’t fight whatever you’re feeling. Might be better for both of you to just be honest with each other.”

Jared stood. “Can you get yourself into bed? I think I’ve hit my limit on good deeds for the night. Take some Motrin and pray you don’t feel like death in the morning.” He turned to leave and seemed to change his mind. He stopped and looked back. “And Misha? Cut Jen some slack, ok? He deserves better.” 

With that, Jared was gone. Misha finished the glass of water and opened the laptop again. The picture of Jensen was still open. Misha grabbed the blanket from over the back of the couch and laid down. He fell asleep there, staring at his computer screen. 

 

***

 

Both men threw themselves into work. They didn’t flat out ignore each other but the strain was there and people noticed. Jared tried his best to bridge the gap, even recruiting Dani and Vicki to help him. None of them wanted to see Jensen and Misha so miserable. However, their loved ones knew better. They also knew that the men had to find their way back to each other, on their own terms. Luckily, they didn’t have to wait too long. 

 

***

 

Misha was taking a long weekend. They were just about to wrap on Season 7 but he flew home to L.A. anyways. There was no way he was missing Vicki’s ultrasound. They were going to find out the baby’s gender. 

Misha had told Eric and the producers that Vicki was expecting. Word got out quickly after that. The crew had taken him out for drinks once he confirmed everything and the night had ended with Clif having to drive him, Jared, and Jensen back to his apartment. Once Jensen realized where they were going, he had quietly asked Clif to drop him off on set. He couldn’t handle being back at Misha’s apartment; an apartment they had practically shared for so long. 

Two days later, Misha was on a plane to Los Angeles. 

He was practically vibrating with excitement once they arrived at the doctors. He held Vicki’s hand, the anticipation building. 

“Everything looks great mom and dad. Baby is the perfect size for how far along you are. I know you’re excited to know what we’ve got cooking. See that right there?” The doctor motioned towards the screen. 

“It’s a girl!” 

 

***

 

The doctor sent them home with photos and a disc with their baby girl’s first pictures on it. They had agreed beforehand that they were only going to tell their parents the sex of the baby, and Vicki had conferenced them all together to share the news. As Misha laughed at the reaction from their parents, a thought struck him out of nowhere. 

He wanted to tell Jensen. Immediately. The urge was so strong that he had actually opened his phone and pulled up his number. As his finger hovered over the call button, he blinked. Could he just casually call Jensen? They hadn’t talked one on one since that night. 

Vicki was looking at him with a concerned look on her face. Not wanting to freak her out, he excused himself. He waited until he was alone in their room before he broke down. 

Had he fucked everything up so badly that he couldn’t call Jensen when he wanted to? Misha could feel himself drowning in the realization that he probably ruined one of the greatest things to ever happen to him. The fact was that the only thing he wanted to do upon finding out he was going to have a daughter, was to tell the one person in this world that he couldn’t. It crushed him. 

Vicki came in, finding Misha face down on the bed. “Babe? Are you ok? I know it’s exciting but I wasn’t expecting this reaction.” Misha turned over to look at his wife. It was then that Vicki realized those weren’t tears of joy. She knew why. 

“Misha, just call him. He’ll be so happy for us. I know it’s what you want.” She rubbed Misha’s arm.

“I can’t. I broke us. I was too fucking stupid to see that I was in love with him. I let my pride and anger break us. I’m an idiot and now it’s too late.” He buried his face back deeper into the pillows. 

“Oh babe. It’s never too late. It’s not. Please, stop beating yourself up. The man I love would fight. Fight for him, fight for both of you. You still love him. Don’t give up on that. Please.” 

“I can’t call him Vic. I can’t.” 

“Ok Misha. Then show him another way. Take a page out of his book, when he can’t seem to find the right words. Send him a song.” 

Misha looked up at his wife. She gently reached over and wiped his tears away. She was right. Vicki was always right. He grabbed her hand and pulled it to his lips. “You’re the wisest person I know. I love you. I’m sorry I’m a mess.” 

She cupped his face and kissed him softly. “You’re not a mess. You’re just in love.” 

 

***

 

Misha was back in Vancouver and he had a plan. He even had co-conspirators. Jared and Danneel were turning out to be very helpful and he was glad he had gone to them for help. He was apprehensive at first, expecting them both to turn him away after what had happened between him and Jensen. They were both surprisingly exuberant about his plan. It made him very happy and reaffirmed the idea that he was making the right choice. 

The cast and crew wrapped on Season 7 and Jensen could not be happier. He absolutely loathed this shooting season. There had been way too much turmoil and Jensen was really looking forward to a few months off and away from the lot, away from his trailer that carried bad memories from the last few months. He needed to clear his head and start over on trying to get over Misha. 

His and Jared’s flight back to Austin left early the next day. Jensen spent the majority of the day at home doing laundry and sleeping on and off. The next day he felt recharged and ready to get out with Danneel, maybe go to the mall or hiking or something. It seemed his wife had other plans though, as he watched her pack a bag.

“Ba-abe…” Jensen was feeling needy. “I just got home and you’re taking off?” 

“It’s two nights Jay.” Danneel tapped him on the nose. “Gen and I have had these plans for months, we didn’t know you guys would wrap ahead of schedule. I’ll be back in two days.”

The girls had made plans to spend a few days at a spa in San Antonio. Jensen figured he’d probably spend those two days on Jared’s couch. 

Except that plan went to shit as well once Jared told him he had some meetings in L.A. and wouldn’t be back until the end of the week. 

Jensen resigned himself to being alone. He decided to try and enjoy the peace and quiet so he went out and grabbed some snacks and beer. Once he got home he changed into some sweats and settled himself in for some intense Netflix catch up. Danneel kissed him on the forehead as she walked out the door.

“Behave babe, don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” She chuckled as she closed the door behind herself. Jensen rolled his eyes, hardly thinking that was possible given the circumstances. 

 

***

 

Two episodes of Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives later and Jensen was dozing lightly on the couch. The buzzing phone in his pocket woke him with a start. Turning the screen on, he saw a new text from Misha. His temperature quickly rose about 10 degrees. The two men still hadn't really talked since that awful night and they certainly weren't back in the habit of texting each other outside of any group chats. He opened the text. 

Misha: 4:16pm: _ Hey Jen. I know it’s been weird between us but… can you do me a favor and click this link in about 5 minutes?  _

Misha 4:17pm:  _ Taking a page from your book. Hope that’s ok.  _

Jensen immediately jumped up off the couch. He was at a loss but luckily his brain took over and directed his body to the bedroom to grab his headphones. On the way back to the couch, he stopped in the bathroom to splash some water on his face. As he looked at his reflection, he couldn’t help but dread what was coming. He could never guess what Misha was going to do and it was at this moment that he wished the man was a little more predictable. 

Jensen stood in the doorway to his backyard and clicked the link, waiting for the page to load. 

At the sound of the guitars, Jensen could feel his breath catch in his throat.

 

**A warning sign**

**I missed the good part, then I realised**

**I started looking and the bubble burst**

**I started looking for excuses**

**Come on in**

**I've gotta tell you what a state I'm in**

**I've gotta tell you in my loudest tones**

**That I started looking for a warning sign**

 

**When the truth is, I miss you**

**Yeah the truth is, that I miss you so**

 

Jensen felt his knees start to give and he quickly pulled over a chair to sink into. Did Misha really mean to send him this song? He cradled his head in his hands as the song played on.

 

**A warning sign**

**It came back to haunt me, and I realised**

**That you were an island and I passed you by**

**And you were an island to discover**

 

**Come on in**

**I've gotta tell you what a state I'm in**

**I've gotta tell you in my loudest tones**

**That I started looking for a warning sign**

 

**When the truth is, I miss you**

**Yeah the truth is, that I miss you so**

 

**And I'm tired, I should not have let you go**

 

**So I crawl back into your open arms**

**Yes I crawl back into your open arms**

**And I crawl back into your open arms**

**Yes I crawl back into your open arms.**

 

Jensen was in shock. He stood, bewildered at the moment he was caught up in. He clutched his phone, not knowing what to do. He should call Misha but he also wanted to throw up a little, so instead he just stood there wavering. 

Luckily, the decision was made for him. 

The doorbell rang. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Master playlist can be found [here](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLhyqv0_2arVoN5xuTzUVqVanGnR5iDc3k).
> 
> Song used in this chapter:  
> [Warning Sign - Coldplay](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h8oTT9r9978)


	4. I found love where it wasn't supposed to be

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cute boys in love is my favorite.
> 
> Note - A lovely reader pointed out that I used a song that was released in 2014 when this chapter references an event that happened in 2012. THANK YOU LOVELY READER!  
> Please suspend disbelief and just go with it? LOL (It's a really good song, to be fair.)

All of Jensen’s thoughts skidded to a halt. Logically, half of his brain knew there was no way that Misha was at his front door. Misha was in California with Vicki and West. Jensen was in Texas. It just didn’t make any sense. The other half of his brain argued that the timing of the doorbell was a little too convenient. And also, his brain said, how could a person get past the security gate without being buzzed in? That person would need to know the code and Misha knew the code. His brain betrayed him a little more by reminding him that up until a little while ago, Misha would have been able to just unlock the door and walk in. He must have been standing there working this out for too long because the doorbell rang again. He walked over to the front door in a daze and pulled it open.

 

***  
  


Misha sat in his car, waiting for the song to end. He figured he would give Jensen a minute or two to process before he went up to the door. He knew Jensen was home alone without plans. Danneel, Jared, and Gen had made sure of that, booking the girls spa trip a week ago and Jared’s trip to Los Angeles at the same time. He had spoken to Dani that morning and she had wished him luck. He had gotten a similar text from the Padalecki’s, a picture of them together both giving him the thumbs up. People were rooting for them and it once again confirmed that he was doing the right thing. 

Once the song was over, he picked up the little wrapped box on his passenger seat, gathered his courage, walked up to the front door and rang the bell. Then he waited. And waited. Nervous now, he rang the bell again. A moment passed and just as he was about to get his phone out to call Jensen, the door was whipped open. 

Jensen stood in front of him wearing only a pair of sweatpants slung low on his hips, feet bare, hair a little mussed from his nap on the couch, his green eyes wide open in surprise. Misha couldn’t stop his mouth from watering if he tried. He grinned at the man in front of him. 

“Hey Jen… May I come in?” He held up the present and lifted his eyebrows, acting as if standing on Jensen’s porch in the middle of the week was a normal occurrence. 

Jensen blinked rapidly as if he still didn’t believe what he was looking at. He stepped back and held the door open. 

Misha chuckled as he walked inside, past the man. “Breathe Jensen, it’s ok.” He headed towards the kitchen.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Jensen didn’t sound angry, just really confused. Misha smiled to himself and turned to Jensen. He held out the gift box. Jensen took it, looking down at it as if he still couldn’t figure out what was going on.

“I wanted to deliver this personally. Something happened when I went home last week, I had what you might call an epiphany.” Misha made an encouraging gesture, hoping to snap the man out of his daze. “Go ahead, open it.”

Jensen looked down at the little box, decorated in simple brown paper wrapping, a little silver bow wrapped around it. He pulled the bow off and lifted the corner of the wrapping paper, peeling it back. He opened the box and inside was a 5x7 frame. It was face down, ensuring he had to remove it to see what was inside. Jensen carefully lifted the frame from the box and turned it over. 

Inside was a sonogram picture, the baby’s profile prominent. Along the bottom of the frame, the words “It’s a Girl!” were etched into the silver. Jensen looked up sharply as the realization hit him.

  
“Mish… is this? It’s a girl?” His eyes shone with tears.

Misha replied with a gummy smile on his face. “Yes, it’s a girl. We’re having a girl! Just like you predicted.” 

Jensen carefully placed the frame on the counter before enveloping Misha in a tight hug. “I’m so happy for you and Vicki man.” 

Misha hugged him back briefly before pulling himself from the man’s arms. 

“So, I didn’t just come here to deliver that, although it’s really an important part of why I’m here.” He paused as Jensen grabbed two beers from the fridge and handed him one. Misha took it, grateful to have something to do with his hands. He took a deep breath.

“So last week Vicki had her doctor’s appointment, that’s why I went home for a few days. We had agreed that we wanted to know what we were having but we weren’t going to tell anyone except our parents. It was actually my idea because I just wanted to keep something for us, you know? And I knew my mom and Vic’s mom would kill us if we knew and they didn’t and I wasn’t up for another couple months of them trying to drag it out of us. So once we got home, we conferenced them all in and as expected, they were all very excited. Between their congratulations and the high of seeing my daughter for the first time… I guess I got caught up in all of it because before I knew it, my phone was in my hand and I had your number pulled up. I was having one of the happiest moments of my life and all I wanted to do was call you and include you in it.”

Misha paused to take a long drink off the beer he was holding. He didn’t take his eyes away from Jensen’s while he drank. He could see the emotion stirring in his eyes. Jensen stood quietly across the kitchen, allowing Misha to continue. 

“Vicki found me a while later, beating myself up. I didn’t call you because I didn’t think I could. We hadn’t talked since…” Jensen shook his head quickly, giving Misha permission to bypass talking directly about that night. Misha went on. “We hadn’t talked. And I knew it was my fault, that I had royally fucked things up between us.” Jensen made a noise of protest, meaning to interrupt. Misha held up a hand. “Please Jen, let me finish ok? I know that I said some things to you that you didn’t deserve. I blamed you for… a lot. I was so mad Jen, I was so pissed that they just walked Cas into a fucking lake and put all this bad shit on him and that was that. Fucking writers. I was angry about that and before all that went down, I couldn’t reach you which scared the shit out of me and then pissed me off on top of it. So I blamed you. I lumped all that negativity together and blamed you and fuck, you deserved so much better. I’m so sorry Jensen. I should have been better to you.”

Misha took a step towards Jensen.

“When I went to your trailer...that night… My intention was not to get angry again. I really, really missed you and I guess it was selfish of me to go to you when I knew I wasn’t in the same place as you, about us. I’m sorry for that as well. I didn’t realize at the time how mad I still was and the bourbon didn’t help. I was really shitty to you that night too Jensen and I… I’m just so sorry.”

Misha took another step towards Jensen. This step brought him into the man’s personal space. He stood there, blue eyes still locked with green. Jensen refused to break his gaze. 

“I’m here because when I saw my daughter on that screen, I wanted you there holding my hand. I wanted to see your eyes shine with joy and I wanted you to be there to smile at me and tell me that she was as beautiful as I saw her. You are the one other person I wanted there Jensen.”

Misha watched as a single tear made it’s way down Jensen’s cheek. He had to make a fist to keep himself from wiping it away. 

“I know that it’s incredibly likely that you can’t forgive me. I know that. I can accept that, if it’s what you want. But I wouldn’t have flown here if I wasn’t hoping that maybe you’d be able to forgive me, one day. I… I love you Jensen. I’ve been in love with you forever, I think. I just needed --” 

Jensen moved quickly, cutting Misha off by crashing their mouths together. He grabbed the man, wrapped one arm around his waist and tangled the other in his hair. Jensen kissed Misha as if he was the air he needed to keep breathing. Maybe he was. When he finally pulled away, Jensen’s cheeks were wet with tears. He sighed gently against Misha’s swollen lips. 

“Mish… Don’t you know that it’s you? That it’s always been you?” He continued to deliver soft kisses to Misha’s lips, his cheeks, working his way down to the man’s jaw and down his neck to finally rest his head on Misha’s shoulders. “Thank you for coming here, for the song and for the gift. These last months have been horrible Mish, we put ourselves through too much.” Jensen sighed, feeling like he was exhaling all the pain and stress he’d been carrying around for months. “Can you stay?” He looked at Misha’ shyly, hopeful that he’d say yes. 

Misha grinned, his face shining like the sun. “My bag is in the car.” 

Jensen took him by the hand and guided him over to the couch, pulling him into his little homemade nest. “Your timing was perfect. Everyone left me, can you believe that? Dani won’t be back for a few days and Jared is off in L.A. doing who knows what…” Jensen trailed off, watching Misha fight back a smile. “Wait. You knew. Did they… did y’all plan this?!” 

Misha burst out laughing. “Ok, so I might have had a little help making sure I could get you alone. You should be glad to know that our friends and wives are really invested in our happiness.” He took his phone out and turned on the camera. “Wanna show them that their investment paid off?” He turned the camera on them and Jensen buried his face into Misha’s neck, his smile peeking out. Misha grinned wide and took the picture. He sent the photo in a group chat that included Jensen, Dani, Vicki, Jared and Gen with a simple heart emoji attached. It didn’t take long for both of their phones to start blowing up. 

They stayed that way for a while, wrapped around each other, neither wanting to break the contact that they had both been without for so long. They traded lazy kisses for awhile until Misha broke away, intent with getting his mouth on as many parts of Jensen as he could. Jensen wove his fingers through Misha’s hair, letting his hand rest there as Misha continued his exploring, making up for lost time. He couldn’t keep the grin off his face. 

“I can't believe you're here man. I really can’t believe it. Leave it to you to do the grand gesture thing and pull it off.” He hooked a finger under the man’s chin, breaking the seal of Misha’s mouth on his hip bone. He locked their eyes together. “You're awesome.” 

Misha smiled at him while rolling his eyes. “I know that! Now would you please let me continue? I’m trying to administer my apology blow job here.” 

Jensen felt his breath catch in his throat. He leaned back, shifting his body to give Misha better access. He grinned as Misha slid his sweats down, and outright laughed as he watched Misha’s eyes widen in surprise when he realized Jensen was going commando. His laugh was quickly turned into a moan as Misha took his entire length in his mouth. He gripped the man's hair tighter and held on. He could definitely get used to these types of apologies. 

 

***

 

As much as they didn’t want to leave the comfort of being wrapped around each other on the couch, their stomach’s had other ideas. While Jensen called in a delivery of their favorite local BBQ joint, Misha went out to the car to retrieve his bag. 

He tucked it away in the spare room, the room he and Jensen always shared… before. As he opened the door, a musty smell hit his nose. Looking around the room, he noticed that nothing had changed. The picture frame containing a picture of them grinning at each other was still on one of the bedside tables. The opposite side still held the picture of both their families together at the beach. He knew that if he opened the closet and drawers, he'd still find some of his clothes tucked away. Misha’s heart ached at the thought that this room had been closed up for so long. He knew there was a lot of time to make up for. Before he left, he opened the windows to get some air into the room. He then dug a smaller bag out of his duffle and headed back to the kitchen. 

He found Jensen standing in the doorway to the backyard, looking out over the lake. Misha set the bag down on the table and wrapped his arms around the man. He lightly kissed the back of his neck. 

“I brought you another surprise, little bunny. But you have to share this one.”

Jensen’s heart warmed at the familiar nickname. He rubbed the arms wrapped around him and hummed lightly. 

“More surprises Mish?” he turned his body around to embrace the man wrapped around him. “How can this day get any better?” 

Misha kissed Jensen on the tip of his nose, grinning slyly as he stepped back to the table to open the bag. “I’m glad we’re having Texas BBQ because I think this is going to go perfectly.” With that, he pulled out the most beautiful purple box Jensen had ever laid eyes on,  _ Glenfiddich  _ written on the front. 

Jensen sucked in a sharp breath. “Mish… you didn’t. That’s like, a $500 bottle of whiskey.” He looked at Misha with wide eyes, his mouth watering slightly.

Misha grinned. “Worth every penny for that look on your face. Can you get us some glasses?”

The two men sat together and enjoyed a glass of whiskey on the patio while they waited for their dinner to arrive. Jensen was in heaven. He held Misha’s hand lightly in his own, occasionally bringing Misha’s knuckles up to his mouth to press kisses to them, over and over. They talked and laughed through dinner, slipping back into the familiarity they only felt together. They stayed outside long after their plates were empty, refilling each others glasses as they ran dry. 

It was the most relaxed either man had felt in months. 

Sufficiently buzzed, they made their way to their bedroom. Jensen hesitated at the door. He started speaking softly. “I haven’t stepped foot in here since... “ He gestured vaguely. “I came back from Vancouver and the door was shut and I just… I couldn’t make myself go inside.” 

Misha turned back and laced their fingers together. He tugged gently on Jensen’s hand. “Come inside, let’s take our room back.” Misha pulled Jensen down onto the bed, arranging their bodies so that Jensen was resting in his arms. “I’ve missed you so much little bunny.” He kissed the top of Jensen’s head, keeping his lips pressed there, breathing the other man in. 

Jensen’s chest shuddered. He was having trouble taking in a deep breath. “I… I thought I had lost you Mish. I thought I’d lost you and every single breath I took without you hurt. Fuck, that sounds so lame but --” Jensen’s breath hitched in his throat. 

Misha tightened his arms around Jensen. He laced their fingers together and hooked a leg around him. He wanted to be as close to Jensen as possible; they were both starved for each other’s touch. 

“Please, please Jen. Don’t… I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. You didn’t lose me, you never did. I had to come here and see you, look you in the eye when I apologized, I needed you to understand. And you did, you just opened your heart to me again, like it was never even shut. I didn’t deserve that; I don’t deserve you. But I’m going to do everything in my power to never hurt you again Jen. I promise. I’m going to be the man who deserves your love ok?” He pressed kisses into Jensen’s hair, over and over. He could feel Jensen begin to relax in his arms. 

“Misha… why did you walk away that night? I really thought that was it for us… I really… Man I fell apart that night. You said you wished you didn’t feel anything. I couldn’t get my head around that.” 

“I’m… Fuck, I feel like if I keep saying I’m sorry, it’s just going to sound cheap. But I  _ am _ . You mean everything Jensen. Aside from Vicki, I’ve never felt that before. The last time…” Misha took a deep breath. He started to untangle their bodies, moving them around so that they were laying down, facing one another. He wound their legs together and rested his right hand on the curve of Jensen’s hip. He curled the other one protectively in the bend of Jensen’s neck. He let his fingers dance lightly up and down Jensen’s side. Misha pressed his lips to Jensen’s, reassuring him. Jensen stared at him, waiting while he attempted to find his words. 

“I never told you about Darius, did I?”

Jensen looked confused. “I know that you’ve been friends forever. I know he said some stuff in Birmingham that was a little out of line. I know that he wouldn’t let me talk to you then. Fuck, I was so pissed at him at that con. You too.” He closed his eyes at the memory. Misha kissed his eyelids. 

“Yeah. I don’t remember much of that weekend. I drank my way through that one. Not my proudest moment.” He cringed at the memory, or lack of. “Those things he said… they weren’t entirely untrue. Darius and I… he was my first.” Jensen’s eyes flew open. “My first experience with a guy! Vicki was my first, first. Oh my god, this is coming out terribly.” He pushed his hair back, making it go wild. It was sufficiently distracting Jensen from his initial shock. “Darius and I were very close and I cared for him deeply. He was in love with me and at the time, I didn’t know what I was feeling. I’ve always loved Vicki, she’s like my roots. From the beginning, it was always her and I. And she knew, she always does. She told me he was in love with me even before he told me. She knew we had to figure ourselves out. You know Vic. She’s all about that self discovery. She gave me the go ahead to have a relationship with Darius, without her. I think she already knew it wasn’t going to pan out but she wanted me to figure that out. Either way, she was right. Things took a... turn. “ He searched Jensen’s eyes, looking for a sign that the man didn’t want him to continue. Jensen gave him a small nod and he took it as a sign to keep talking.

“Me and Vic had just gotten married. Nothing fancy, just family. Darius. A few other friends. We were all up in Maine for a week and Darius just lost it. He started demanding I get the marriage annulled, that it wasn’t real and that he loved me more and… it was just a mess. Up to that point, it was probably the worst thing I’ve ever had to deal with.” Misha took a deep breath. Jensen held his hand, tucking it between their chests. 

“We didn’t talk for god, 10 years? Almost 10 years. I lost my best friend because I let things go too far when I didn’t really love him. Not like he loved me. It wasn’t until we found out we were having West that we reconnected. He reached out and apologized and well, we’re in a much better place now.” He gripped Jensen’s hand tighter. “I’m telling you this Jensen because for one thing, I seem to have this urge to tell you everything.” He smiled. “And the other reason is because I want you to know that you… that  _ we  _ always felt different. We were different. And that scared the shit out of me. You just fit, you were the puzzle piece I didn’t know was missing until you were there. I thought I had it all figured out, you know? And then you completely blew that all up. I loved you so much Jensen, even from the beginning. That terrified me because what if you didn’t feel the same? My apologies but I -- I thought… shit. I wasn’t sure you would ever feel the same and I was always looking for a sign that you didn’t. I had to take a step back from that cliff because I was ready to throw myself off it. I think I doomed us then. When everything happened… it was easier to be angry at you, you know? To blame you, to protect myself. Such a dick move. I’m an asshole.” He had closed his eyes, ashamed to look at the man lying with him. 

Jensen leaned over and bumped his nose against Misha’s cheek. Blue eyes opened to meet his. “Look at me. I love you, you asshole. You and Dani? You two are it for me man. I can’t --I won’t let anything like this happen again, do you hear me? We’re going to do better this time ok? Promise me. Promise me that you’re in this with me Misha. Please. I need to hear you say it.” 

Misha closed his eyes, feeling a weight lifting off his shoulders. 

“I’m in. I’m always in for you, Jen.” 

 

***

 

Misha woke the next morning to gorgeous green eyes staring at him. He could feel heat warming his cheeks.

“Good morning, sunshine. Anyone ever tell you that you’re cute when you blush?”

He could feel his blush deepen.

“Good morning, little bunny. I think you might be the only one.” He buried his face in Jensen’s neck to hide his red face. 

Jensen laughed softly into the man’s hair. “Anything in particular you want to do today?” He felt Misha attempt to shrug his shoulders and mumble a response into Jensen’s shoulder. Jensen gripped his hair and pulled Misha’s head back. “Didn’t catch that Mish.” He kissed him lightly on the forehead.

“I was asking what you were planning to do before I showed up unannounced.” He puckered his lips for a kiss that was given willingly. 

“Damn, I missed how cuddly you are in the mornings.” He tucked Misha back into his neck. “Continue nuzzling please.” Misha chuckled and burrowed in deeper. “I actually had nothing ambitious planned. Now that you’re here, I should probably go to the store, do some cooking for this hot guy I know.” 

Misha pulled back and peered at Jensen, a gleam in his eye. “Is he coming by later? Do I need to slip out of here through the back?” 

Jensen groaned. “Oh just shut up and kiss me, idiot.” 

 

*** 

 

They didn’t get out of bed for a long time. 

The rest of the day was spent with the two of them in close proximity of the other, almost as if neither believed that this was real and any prolonged separation might reveal it all to be some kind of dream. They just didn't want to take that chance. They spent the day making up for their time apart, whispering all the words they didn’t get to say into each others skin. 

The evening found them listening to records, Jensen’s head in Misha’s lap while they bickered over the best Led Zeppelin album and finishing off the bottle of Glenfiddich. They stayed up until the sun rose the next day, knowing that meant that Misha had to go back to Los Angeles that evening. 

After catching a few hours of sleep, they decided to prep a big lunch in anticipation of Dani and Gen’s return. The girls were going to grab Jared at the airport and head to the house to visit with Misha before his flight. They worked side by side, laughing and teasing each other, content with just being together. With lunch ready to go, the two men decided to take a swim, which was really an excuse to make out in the pool. 

Jensen loved wrapping himself around Misha, weightless in his arms. If Misha just so happened to glide over to the side of the pool and prop Jensen against it and surround the man with his body, well then so be it. Jensen's hands curled over Misha's shoulders and he tipped his head back and let Misha mouth at his neck. He dipped his head down to connect their lips together, a low whine working it's way from deep in his throat. Kissing Misha made Jensen feel giddy, anxious to take in as much of him as he could. He was losing himself in Misha's touch when the patio door crashed open and snapped him back into reality. 

"I hope you fuckers are dressed because I'm coming in!" Jared didn’t wait for an answer before he took off running towards the pool.

Jensen closed his eyes as a tidal wave of water washed over him and Misha, thanks to Jared cannonballing over their heads. He popped out of the water laughing as they shook water out of their eyes. 

"And to think, I missed your stupid giant ass like this." Misha shoved a wall of water in Jared's direction. "Fucking asshole." He was smiling fondly at Jared, until Jared lunged at him and pushed him right under the water. Jensen threw his head back with laughter, so fucking happy to have them all together again. He could hear Dani and Gen laughing as they came outside. He pushed himself halfway out of the water to greet his wife with a kiss. 

"Hey baby, you girls have a good time? We made lunch if y'all are hungry." Jensen was all smiles. 

Dani cupped his face as she leaned into him. "You're glowing Jen. It's a good look on you." She glanced over his shoulder at Misha and Jared still wrestling in the pool, knowing this was the source of the change in her husband. "You might want to help your boyfriend before Jared drowns him. We'll bring lunch out." 

The five of them enjoyed each other's company until the inevitable caught up with them. Jensen gathered Misha's bag and put it into the car that had brought Misha back to him. He was already missing the man.

Misha had picked up on Jensen's slipping mood throughout the day. As he came up to Jensen waiting by the car, he wound their fingers together. He pulled Jensen in for a soft kiss, resting their foreheads together. 

"Thanks for opening the door little bunny."

Jensen laughed at that, still unbelieving that the last few days had happened. 

"Thanks for the grand gesture Dimitri. Thank you for loving me, still." They breathed together for a few more moments. "If you don't leave now, you're going to miss your flight." Jensen hated to say it. 

"Would that be so bad?" Misha pushed him against the car and kissed him fiercely, one last goodbye on his lips. As he climbed in the car, he slipped a note into Jensen's hand. He smiled and winked as he drove away, leaving Jensen as befuddled as he found him two days ago. 

Jensen waited until the car turned out of his driveway and opened the note. 

"I left you one last surprise little bunny. It's in your office, just open your laptop. See you in Rome!" 

Jensen slipped quietly back into the house and headed straight for his office. He sat down at his desk and opened his laptop. iMovie was open and a post-it was stuck to his screen.

"Press play" 

Jensen did. 

The music started slow and so did the slideshow. 

 

**And I'll use you as a warning sign**

**That if you talk enough sense then you'll lose your mind**

 

"For when you miss me..." The first slide moved to the next; a photo of the two of them. It took Jensen a moment to realize it was the first picture they had taken together, on set in Jensen's trailer, Jared laughing in the background. Jensen was smiling at the camera and Misha was smiling at him. Jensen's heart lurched. They hadn't even kissed then, but it was plain to see that Misha was already far gone. 

 

**And I'll use you as a focal point**

**So I don't lose sight of what I want**

**And I've moved further than I thought I could**

**But I missed you more than I thought I would**

**And I'll use you as a warning sign**

**That if you talk enough sense then you'll lose your mind**

 

Photo after photo of the two of them transitioned, one after the other. Pictures Jensen took of Misha, some he didn't even know the man knew about. Photos of him, taken by Misha, making him blush seeing himself as Misha does. Intimate photos of them together, pictures snapped in quiet rooms, capturing moments neither wanted to forget. 

 

**And I found love where it wasn't supposed to be**

**Right in front of me**

**Talk some sense to me**

 

**And I'll use you as a makeshift gauge**

**Of how much to give and how much to take**

**Oh I'll use you as a warning sign**

**That if you talk enough sense then you'll lose your mind**

 

There were photos of them from their last trip to Rome, right before it all fell apart. The lump in his throat grew bigger as the regret of the time they spent apart ached in his chest. The pictures continued to slide by, photos of him holding West, of them working together on set, of Jensen sleeping with his head on Misha's shoulder as they flew back from some convention.

 

**Oh and I found love where it wasn't supposed to be**

**Right in front of me**

**Talk some sense to me**

 

The last photos in the slideshow were all from the last two days. Starting with the sonogram, going to a photo of Jensen holding the frame and smiling, pointing at the picture. Another of him cradling the bottle of Glenfiddich like a baby, making a kissy face at it. Jensen laughed at himself being an idiot, knowing how well Misha was able to bring out that side of him. The picture they sent everyone that first day, a picture of Jensen napping by the pool, another of him sleeping with his head in Misha's lap, Misha's face a picture of contentment. The last slide was a poem, handwritten in Misha's handwriting: 

 

_ Because _

_ I could watch you _

_ for a single minute _

_ and find _

_ a thousand things _

_ that I love _

_ about you _

 

In the corner was the heart that Misha always signed after his name, followed by the little hand drawn bunny that Jensen signed his notes to Misha with.

It was the nicest gift anyone had ever given him. 

He pulled his phone out and took a picture of that last slide followed by a selfie, perfectly capturing the emotion on his face. He sent both to Misha. 

"Thank you for loving me this much Mish. I love you." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Master playlist can be found [here](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLhyqv0_2arVoN5xuTzUVqVanGnR5iDc3k).
> 
> Songs used in this chapter:  
> [I Found - Amber Run](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yj6V_a1-EUA).
> 
> Come say hi on [Tumblr!](https://casloveshisfreckles.tumblr.com/)


	5. I'm certain that I'm yours

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to tell you, I love the song in this chapter and it was like Christmas morning when I found an acoustic version. Link is at the bottom.
> 
> I hope you enjoy it as much as I do!

It was almost funny how quickly time got away from them. Jensen blinked and suddenly, they were almost done wrapping Season 8. All of their families had grown; a little boy for Jared and Gen and Maison joining the party in the fall. By the time they wrapped on Season 8, Jensen was that much closer to being a father himself. He had seen how it had changed his friends and he always had a blast being an uncle. But fatherhood? Jensen had never been more nervous about anything in his entire life. 

Misha soothed him, reassuring him in the dark, hands and lips reaffirming his belief that Jensen was going to be an amazing father. Their last night before hiatus, dinner with the cast and crew had turned into an informal baby shower. Jensen was overwhelmed with all the attention and let Misha rescue him towards the end of the night. They slipped quietly away to Jensen's trailer, letting Jared run interference if anyone asked where they went. 

Misha unlocked the door to the trailer and flipped the lights on, stepping back so he could watch Jensen's reaction as he came inside. Sitting on the table was a package, wrapped in Misha's signature wrapping; simple brown paper with a shimmering pink bow around it. Jensen looked at him, eyes wide. 

"What's this? Dani said Vicki sent a bunch of Maison's baby clothes already and you guys bought us her crib. It's already too much man, you didn't have to do more." Jensen was turning the present around in his hands. It was heavy and when he shook it, there was no rattle. 

Misha smiled, a secret behind the glint in his eyes. "This one is just from me. I thought the newest addition to our little family could start her collection early. Open it." 

Inside were two individually wrapped squares. Jensen, careful as always, opened the one on top. Inside was an obviously very old book, he turned it over in his hands. The front cover read "The Tale of Peter Rabbit". Jensen' face lit up as he realized what he was holding. "Misha. Peter Rabbit?" He couldn't help laughing. 

Misha grinned wide. "That's right, little bunny. Now to be honest, this one goes on the shelf, being a first edition and all --" 

"Whoa, whoa first addition? Don't first edition books cost a fortune? Won't it get ruined pretty quick by a baby?" Jensen was suddenly very careful with the book he was holding. 

"That's why I said it goes on the shelf." Misha rolled his eyes fondly. "Open the rest." 

Jensen looked at him sideways. He opened the other package to reveal an entire set of Beatrix Potter books in a box set. Misha tapped on the cover of the box. "See, these are meant to be read and loved and roughed up a bit. My mom used to read Peter Rabbit to me when I was a kid and we have a set for Westie and Maise. I hope JJ loves them just as much as we all do." 

Warmth spread through Jensen's chest as it usually did when Misha would do something so thoughtful. He put the books down and pulled Misha into his arms. "You're always full of surprises, aren't you? Thank you Dimitri, I love it. Dani's going to love it. She makes me read to her stomach anytime I'm home, something about how the baby is going to recognize my voice? I don't know. I usually just end up singing to them instead." 

“Oh I know all about the reading stuff. Dani made me read to her belly last time she was up here. She said that the baby should know my voice too.” Misha smiled and kissed Jensen deeply, hooking one hand around the back of his neck and the other around his lower back, pulling their bodies as close as possible. He hated the last night of filming. Tomorrow they would head back to their different coasts and probably wouldn't be together again until Rome. After that, JJ would be here and everything was going to change.

To say that Misha was nervous was an understatement. He tried his best not to assume anything but he knew that Jensen was already freaking out about becoming a dad. He didn't want to make it worse by adding his insecurities to the mix. He also knew that he had to be honest with Jensen, they had promised each other as much after they got back together. He pulled away, turning towards the kitchen to grab some wine glasses. He had stashed a bottle of wine in the fridge when he dropped off the present. He pulled the bottle out and held it up. 

"Night cap?" 

Jensen nodded enthusiastically. "You pour the wine, I'm going to grab something from the bedroom." He kissed Misha and squeezed his hip as he slipped past him and up the stairs. He quickly changed out of his clothes and into a pair of sweats, grabbing a pair of Misha's as well. He glanced at his bags sitting next to the bed, all packed and ready for his flight tomorrow. He was ready to get back home to Dee but anxious to spend tonight with Misha. He grabbed his guitar and went back down to the kitchen to join his boyfriend.

Misha smiled when he saw the guitar in Jensen's hand. "What are you up to little bunny?" Sometimes Jensen liked to play around with his guitar while they relaxed and it was one of Misha's favorite things in the whole world, to watch Jensen lose himself in his music. He quickly changed into the sweats Jensen gave him and grabbed their glasses. He passed Jensen his as he settled into the recliner across from him. 

"Thanks babe. To another season under our belts." They toasted to the end of Season 8, to the upcoming summer and to each other. Jensen took a drink and set his glass down on the table between them. "I've been working on something for you Dimitri. I heard this song and it was perfect. For us, for me to maybe be able to tell you just how much you mean to me. OK, I'm going to shut up and sing before I chicken out. Don't laugh." He looked down fiddled with his strings a bit, making sure everything was right before he started playing. He took another drink and started to play. 

  


**Something about you**

**It's like an addiction**

**Hit me with your best shot honey**

**I've got no reason to doubt you**

**'Cause certain things hurt**

**And you're my only virtue**

**And I'm virtually yours**

  


Misha couldn't take his eyes off of Jensen. He was gorgeous with a guitar in his hands, the shadows of the trailer making his strong jaw and the sharp line of his nose stand out. The way his fingers played expertly over the strings, like they were an extension of him.

  


**And you keep coming back, coming back again**

**Keep running round, running round, running round my head**

**And there's certain things that I adore**

**And there's certain things that I ignore**

**But I'm certain that I'm yours**

**Certain that I'm yours**

**Certain that I'm yours**

  


Misha let go of a breath he didn't know he was holding in. It was just like Jensen to know exactly what Misha needed to hear, every time he needed to hear it. How the man had come to be able to read Misha like an open book, he didn't think he would ever be able to figure that out. 

  


**There's something about you**

**It's when you get angry**

**You have me at your mercy**

**And you're like the shoulder to turn to**

**'Cause certain things mend us when we're hanging on for dear life**

**We held on so tight**

  


Jensen felt like he was putting all of his heart into these lyrics. He wasn't afraid to bare his soul to Misha; he trusted that he would take care of it. He glanced up at Misha and found him staring at him, an intensity radiating off him that almost made Jensen startle. He powered through the feeling of vulnerability, knowing his words were true and not feeling ashamed of them at all. He ran through the chorus again, one more time. 

  


**But I'm certain that I'm yours**

**I adore you... I adore you...**

**Let's ignore them...  lets ignore them...**

**I adore you... I adore you...**

**I'm certain that I'm yours**

  


Jensen finished singing and before he could open his eyes, Misha was there, pulling the guitar out of his hands and straddling him. "Thank you, thank you Jen." He slid his hands up Jensen's chest, up through his hair as he buried his face into the crook of his neck. He pulled back to whisper in Jensen's ear. "Do you know how beautiful you are?" Jensen blushed. "How amazing you look with that guitar in your hands? It's like poetry, watching you." Now it was Jensen's turn to bury his face in Misha's neck. Misha carded his hands through Jensen's hair. 

"How do you always know what I need to hear? I've been dreading the end of this season. I didn't want to worry you but... I don't know. I guess I'm nervous about change." Misha sighed against Jensen's cheek.

Jensen pulled back, his eyes locking with Misha's. "Talk to me babe... please?" 

Misha tried to kiss away the concern that had settled on Jensen's face. "Please don't worry, my mind is just working overtime. Don't get me wrong, I'm so damn thrilled for you and Dee and I know that you're going to be an amazing father. The way you are with West and Maison, god it's everything I've ever wanted. And being with you, with them, you're their family too. I guess I’m just scared that... “ Misha dropped his voice to a whisper. “That it won’t… that _ I  _ won’t be  _ that  _ to JJ.” Misha closed his eyes as he pressed his face to Jensen's shoulder.

Jensen huffed out a laugh and pulled Misha back to look him in the eyes. “Mish, are you crazy? Why do you think Dani has you reading to her stomach? Or why we put the nursery in between the bedroom I share with you and the bedroom I share with her? Misha… you belong. My daughter is the luckiest kid, she's being born into a family filled with love. She has a built in big brother and sister. She’s going to grow up knowing she can love anyone she wants to and she's going to feel safe about it. Because of you and Dee, we’re going to get to show her what real love is, every day. I'm going to teach her what you've been teaching me.” 

He kissed Misha then, something deep and feral, struggling to get out. He couldn't stop his hands from sweeping up and down Misha's back, pulling their bodies closer. His skin was so soft; touching Misha was like an addiction. He slid his hands up to his shoulders, kneading the tense muscles and working out the knots bunched there. 

“You’re so tense Dimitri… How long have you been worrying about this?” Jensen pressed soft kisses along Misha’s collar bone. 

“Long enough that if I admitted how long, you’d be mad at me.” Misha gave him a small smile. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to keep this from you.” He kissed Jensen then, a soft, lingering kiss that made them both ache. “I’m so excited to meet her.” 

Jensen sighed against Misha’s lips and relaxed into him. “Me too Mish… Me too.” He bit softly into Misha’s shoulder. “Can we go to bed now?” 

Misha was responding with his own teeth when a pounding on the door interrupted him. 

“Open up fuckers! I’ve got a bunch of baby shit out here for you!” Jared continued to pound on the door. 

Jensen groaned as Misha climbed off his lap. They were both sporting impressive hard-ons and both of them doubled over in laughter at the sight. 

“I dare you to answer the door with that.” Misha flopped back on the couch.

“Are you kidding? He’s already going to be traumatized because we don’t have shirts on.” Jensen rolled his eyes and adjusted himself in an attempt to hide his boner. 

Jensen pulled the door open. “What’s up cockblock? You couldn’t wait until morning?” 

“Gross dude, what the fuck. Everyone went home and left me with your baby crap. Where was I supposed to put it?” He shoved his way into the trailer, arms laden with gift bags. “Man, were you guys fucking on the couch? I sit there all the time. Y’all are disgusting. Put some shirts on, christ.” 

Misha snorted. “Jared, if you knew how many places we’ve --”

“Ok, ok. He’s never going to want to come in here again.” Jensen was smirking, watching Jared’s horrified expression grow.

“Well then, we won’t tell him what we’ve done in his trailer I guess.” Misha was being a little shit. 

Jared dumped all the bags, freeing his hands to flip the two of them off. “I hate you both. The rest of your shit is in Clif’s car. I’m going to bed. Goodnight and fuck you both very much.” 

“Yeah yeah, see you tomorrow asshole. Don’t be late! I don’t want to be running to our plane again.” Jensen shoved him out the door and locked it. He leaned back against the closed door and looked at the mess of gift bags in front of him. He looked towards the couch, only to see Misha with his head on his arms which were resting on the back of the couch. Misha was smiling at him, his face still full of mischief. 

“Do you think he's going to go back to his trailer, look around, and just wonder? Fuck, it's going to drive him crazy.” Misha was laughing, head thrown back. 

He was so fucking beautiful.

Jensen watched for a minute, memorizing the lines of Misha's jaw, the long stretch of his neck. Jensen licked his lips, thinking about how badly he wanted to send Misha home covered in his marks. He'd probably get a pissed off text from Vicki but it was worth it. 

Jensen needed his mouth on Misha immediately and he quickly crossed the room to close the gap between them. Misha's filthy moan filled Jensen's mouth as he wrapped himself around the other man and ground his hips down. He leaned over, dragging his tongue down the curve of Misha's chin. “Take me to bed Dimitri. Need you inside me.” 

In one swift movement, Misha stood, taking Jensen with him. They've played this game before so Jensen was ready to wrap his legs around Misha. Misha was so fucking strong and it made Jensen weak. He squeezed his legs tighter, rolling his hips as much as he could. 

The noises he worked out of Misha made Jensen dizzy. He would never get tired of hearing them, of being the reason for them. He sucked marks into Misha's shoulders as Misha laid him gently onto their bed. Misha leaned back and gazed down at Jensen, running his thumb over Jensen's perfect lips. 

“What are you thinking about babe?” Jensen sucked the pad of Misha's thumb into his mouth. 

“I’m thinking about how fucking hot you are. And that I get to have you.” Misha was staring at him so fondly that it made Jensen’s heart ache. He pulled Misha closer to him. 

“All yours, Mishka.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Master playlist can be found [here](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLhyqv0_2arVoN5xuTzUVqVanGnR5iDc3k).
> 
> Songs used in this chapter:  
> [Certain Things - James Arthur](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P5rRQNB3Onw&feature=youtu.be).
> 
> Come say hi on [Tumblr!](https://casloveshisfreckles.tumblr.com/)


	6. I love you more today than yesterday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So maybe it's actually ME that's the sucker for oldies but... it is what it is. :)
> 
> Thank you to everyone still reading, I hope you're enjoying it!

“What do we do now?”

“No, you don’t do jack shit. Alright. Sam and me, we’ll head to the hospital, see if-” Jensen stopped and pursed his lips together trying to fight back a grin. The tiny quirk of Misha’s lip had him fighting back the urge to laugh.

Misha cracked, bending over in silent laughter. “If anyone had told me in drama school that _this_ is what it was going to be like, I would have quit!”

“He went to drama school!” Jared pointed at him, looked at Jensen and then back at the camera. Jensen was grinning wildly at Misha as Misha fell apart and Jensen took his cue from Jared, using the opportunity to ham it up for the camera’s that were still rolling.

It’s days like this that Jensen loved coming to work. Season 9 had been fun to shoot for all of them. He didn’t get to direct this season but Misha did and he had asked Jensen for help to prepare in the days leading up. Jensen had bought him a gorgeous, slate gray, leather portfolio for him to keep his notes and pages organized. He had it monogrammed with Misha’s initials and the word “Director” underneath. He was bursting with pride when he presented it to Misha, happily replacing the white folder that was stuffed with Misha’s papers. It ended up being one of Misha’s most prized possessions.

Jensen and Jared fucked with Misha mercilessly on the third day of shooting. It was so bad even the studio executives had come down to see what the fuss was about. Misha had to change clothes more than once thanks to multiple pies to the face but Jensen had lovingly helped him wipe his face clean after the last attack and did all of Misha’s laundry that night as a way to apologize. Misha was less than amused. Jensen kept trying to make it up to him by being on his best behavior for the rest of the week.

Once the episode wrapped, Jensen immediately checked them into a suite at the Fairmont Pacific Rim for the weekend, as a way of saying congratulations on a job well done. He hired a private chef to make dinner for them, which they enjoyed overlooking the lights of downtown Vancouver. The Fairmont had an amazing sommelier and Jensen had met with him earlier in the week to pick out the perfect wine to share.

He held up a glass to Misha. “I’m so, so proud of you Dimitri. This episode is going to be awesome.” They toasted, Misha blushing into his wine glass.

“Jensen… this is too much. You didn’t have to do all this.” Misha couldn’t stop smiling. “But um, how long do we have the room?”  

Jensen laughed his unicorn laugh, warming Misha to his core. “Two nights, three if we don’t get called in for Monday.” Jensen waggled his eyebrows. “Anything special you want to do with your time off?”

Misha pinned him with an intense gaze. “You.”

Jensen swallowed audibly. “I think we can arrange that.”

Jensen leaned in to kiss Misha. His lips tasted like cherries and it made Jensen lick deeper into his mouth. He ran his fingertips up Misha’s inseam, ghosting lightly over Misha’s thickening cock and coming to rest on his hip. He squeezed gently, pulling away from Misha’s mouth as their dessert was served.

It was, without doubt, a perfect weekend.

 

***

 

Season 9 wrapped with one hell of a cliffhanger. The whole cast enjoyed teasing the fans about what was coming in Season 10 and Jensen spent weeks working on his demon persona. Misha had some fun with that, indulging in a little angel on demon action once they were done going over scripts. Jensen didn’t mind; Misha was the best kind of distraction.

The shooting schedule for season 10 was sent to them and their hiatus was quickly coming to an end. Jensen usually held a little get together before they all had to be back in Canada and this year was no exception. Misha and Vicki flew to Austin with the kids and a plan to stay with the Ackles for a week before heading back to Los Angeles. Misha was looking forward to the chaos that usually erupted when they all got together, especially with the Padalecki’s in such close proximity. By now, they were a group of 11; Jared and Gen welcoming Shep to the circus the Christmas before.

Their flight from LA was easy and the kids cooperated the entire way. Maison wouldn’t stop babbling about JJ and dolls and West insisted on wearing his swim trunks on the plane so he would be ready to jump straight into the pool upon arrival. He held a very in depth conversation with Misha about the new inflatable pool shark that was packed amongst his things, seriously wondering if Jensen had the means to blow the toy up. He insisted that Misha text ahead to confirm, satisfied when Jensen sent back a picture of him with an air compressor, smiling and giving a thumbs up, a pile of inflatable toys already blown up behind him. Misha saved the picture to his phone.

Once they landed, Misha shot a quick text over to Jensen to let him know they had arrived. Between getting their bags and picking up the car, there was at least an hour before they would be at the house. Jensen text back quickly, surprising Misha.

Jensen 10:40am: _Got y’all a car… you’ll know the driver when you see him. ;)_

Misha looked over at Vicki picking up crayons from around Maison’s seat. “Babe, Jensen got us a driver.”

Vicki glanced his way, a small smile on her lips. “I know. He told me I didn’t need to rent a car.”

“Any idea why?”

“Maybe he wanted to do something nice? I dunno Misha, just say thank you.”

Misha 10:43am: _Um, thanks? You didn’t have to do that Jen._

Jensen 10:44am: _Wanted to. Gotta make Vic’s life easier somehow when she has 3 kids to fly with._

Misha huffed and rolled his eyes. He “helped” Vicki get the kids off the plane and to the baggage area where their bags were waiting. He looked around the area where the other drivers were waiting, looking at each of their signs. His eyes finally landed on the town car driver meant for them, the sign he was holding saying KRUSHNIC/VANTOCH/COLLINS. Misha rolled his eyes fondly and took a picture which he immediately sent to Jensen.

Misha 11:25am: _Ha ha little bunny. Real cute._

Jensen 11:27am: _Aren’t I? See you soon babe._

Misha had to give Jensen some credit. Not having to wait for the rental car company and having car seats already installed was pretty nice. Not to mention, the Escalade that picked them up was pretty fucking sweet.

They pulled up to a driveway filled with more cars than usual. As Misha tipped their driver, West went tearing into the house as Vicki followed with Maison in her arms. She was quickly greeted by Dani, who grabbed Maison and tickled her while kissing the top of her head. It had been a little too long since the two families had gotten together and Misha was thrilled it was finally happening.

As Vicki and Dani were walking into the house, Jensen was walking out, stopping briefly to kiss Vicki hello. Misha looked up from gathering their luggage to see Jensen casually make his way across the driveway. He was wearing denim blue board shorts, a shirt from last summer’s GISHWHES, a white backwards hat, and to complete the perfect picture, a pair of Ray-Bans. Misha stared shamelessly, luggage forgotten.

Jensen grinned as he approached Misha, reaching out to grab the bags from Misha’s shoulders. “See something you like Dimitri?” He leaned in to greet Misha properly with a slow, burning kiss.

“Fuck, Jen.” He ran his hand up Jensen’s arm. “How much to send all these people home so I can take you upstairs and fuck your brains out?”

Jensen cackled and grabbed the rest of the bags and Misha’s hand to pull him towards the door. “Oooh babe. As much as I _really_ want you to do that, it will have to wait until later. We have a few… extra people around for this years BBQ.” Jensen hesitated before opening the front door. “Now Mish… don’t get mad but…” He could feel Misha stiffen beside him, the grip on his hand tightening. “I know it’s really early but I wanted to do something before we were going back and forth to work so…” He opened the door. “Happy birthday?”

Misha looked around the room and pretty much everyone he loved was inside. He looked over at Jensen in complete awe. Half the cast and all the guys from Louden Swain were hanging out by the kitchen and he could see the pool full of kids. He glanced into the living room, met with the sight of Jensen’s parents, Jared’s and even _his_ mom and dad, sitting there like they were right at home.

“Jen… how did you… when…” Misha couldn’t seem to form a complete sentence.

Jensen didn’t get a chance to answer him before everyone started to notice them standing in the doorway. Misha was quickly overwhelmed with greetings from his friends and family but he still managed to frown a little when Jensen let go of his hand to take their bags upstairs. Jensen threw him a wink over his shoulder as he made his way up the stairs.

It was almost an hour before Jensen made his way back to Misha. Between playing host, lifeguard, and blowing up West’s inflatable shark, he hadn’t even seen the guy. Jensen noticed him in the kitchen, talking to their moms. Jensen smiled and grabbed a couple of beers from the cooler before making his way over to the little group.

He came up behind Misha and slipped his arm around him, holding up the bottle as he pressed a quick kiss to the back of his neck. Once Misha took the beer, Jensen stepped around him to greet his and Misha’s mom, still keeping one arm wrapped around Misha.

“Mama, Ms. Tippins, can I get you some refills?” He nodded towards their empty wine glasses.

“Thank you but Jared is already on it. And how many times do I have to tell you to call me Rebecca? Or mom, as it may.” Misha’s mom looked at Jensen expectantly. He grinned and held Misha a little tighter.

“Sorry… mom.” Jensen felt Misha relax into him a little more.

“Misha was just telling us about the episode he directed.” His mom gave him a stern look. “I heard you gave him some trouble.”

“Dude! You told my mom on me?” Jensen squeezed Misha’s hip. “Not cool!”

“Please Jensen, he called me that night and told me. Don’t be a dick, sweetie.” She hooked arms with Misha’s mom and kissed Jensen’s cheek as they walked towards the backyard, most likely to look for a grandbaby to spoil.

“Yes Ma’am.” Jensen felt dazed as he turned to Misha. “How is this our life?” He laughed a little as he leaned into Misha. “Were you surprised, Dimitri? I tried to get Darius here but he had some work thing. Aside from that, I'd say the turnout was pretty good.”

Misha was staring at him with a certain kind of reverence as he nodded, and it took Jensen's breath away. It made him want Misha, desperately. He took a deep breath and pressed a light kiss to Misha's lips.

“Come on Mish. I heard Jared setting up some shots on the patio. Let's go enjoy your party.” He linked their hands and led Misha outside.

The party slowly wound down, guests filtering out as the night grew later. Jensen had rented out a block of rooms at a local hotel and had Ride Austin drivers pulling up every 10 minutes or so to escort their guests back. Misha was blown away by how many details Jensen had covered. Misha stood in the doorway, watching Jensen see everyone off safely after they had said their goodbyes.

All of their parents would be back the next day for brunch before their travels back home. Jared and Gen slipped away after Misha insisted they had clean up covered. Jensen had, of course, hired cleaners to come in the next day but there was still a few things that Misha wanted to take care of before bed. Vicki and Dani had taken the kids to bed and the house was finally settling. Misha had missed the quiet but wouldn't take back a second of the day.

He waited for the last car to leave and watched Jensen turn to walk back to the house, his face lighting up when he saw Misha leaning in the doorway.

The light from the house cast a soft glow around Misha and it highlighted him perfectly. It was Jensen's turn to stare; his eyes roaming over the planes of Misha's body, up to his firm shoulders and further still to take in his peaceful expression, strongly contrasting his wild hair, air dried after the pool and sticking up every which way, just begging to be pulled. Jensen took a shaky breath as he approached.

“See something you like, little bunny?” Misha cocked an eyebrow at Jensen, smirk firmly in place.  Jensen leaned in.

“Happy almost 40th, Mishka. I hope you had fun today.” Jensen ran his nose along Misha's jaw, gently kissing below his ear. “Let's finish up down here so I can take you upstairs and give you your birthday present.”

Jensen grabbed Misha by the hips and pulled him in for a rough kiss, the kind that left them both panting when they pulled apart.

The living room was covered in toys thanks to a couple of tiny, sweet faced, devil children who ran wild by the end of the night. Misha got to work in there while Jensen headed to the kitchen for beers, stopping once to start up some music to play while they worked. The first song on the playlist Jensen started was “Love Will Keep Us Together”. Misha looked at Jensen and they both cracked up.

“Captain and Tennile, Jen?? Seriously?” Misha was still laughing.

Jensen just shrugged. “Our moms were getting nostalgic or something, I dunno. Once Dani showed them they could look up pretty much any song, they went crazy. Someone taught them how to make a playlist and, well, here you go.” He smiled as he walked to the fridge.

Coming back, the last thing he expected to see was Misha in the middle of the living room, actually dancing around. To Captain and Tennille. He quickly pulled his phone out and started the camera. He had to preserve this moment on film. For science and possibly future blackmail.

Jensen cleared his throat which had Misha whipping around, caught in the act. Misha blushed and fought back a laugh as he watched Jensen put his phone away and shimmy over to him, beers in hand. He accepted the offer and took a drink, one eye on Jensen. He was really starting to get into the music, wiggling his eyebrows and beckoning to Misha to join him. It was the exaggerated lip syncing that finally won Misha over, grabbing Jensen's hand and kissing it before he decided to do a little twirl across the living room.

They were both laughing as the song ended, pausing to cringe at each other before the next song started. With their moms in charge of the music, anything was possible.

At the sound of the saxophone, Misha's eyes lit up. Jensen knew Misha was kind of a sucker for the 60s and 70s so he had snuck a few of his guilty pleasure songs onto the list. He held his hand out to Misha, who gladly accepted. Jensen pulled them close, rocking them back and forth to the quick beat.

Jensen didn't hesitate to start singing along to Misha.

**I don't remember what day it was**

**I didn't notice what time it was**

**All I know is that I fell in love with you**

**And if all my dreams come true**

**I'll be spending time with you**

 

Misha was smiling so hard his cheeks hurt. He was utterly in love with this man dancing with him. Bearing witness to Jensen letting his walls come down was almost a religious experience and Misha felt blessed to be allowed to see it, to imagine he had a hand in it.

 

**Every day's a new day in love with you**

**With each day comes a new way of loving you**

**Every time I kiss your lips my mind starts to wander**

**If all my dreams come true**

**I'll be spending time with you**

 

By now, Jensen had pulled their bodies together, wrapping his arms around Misha. He wouldn't stop singing, lowering his voice to a husky whisper, letting his lips move against Misha's neck, against his cheek. He could hear Misha's breath hitch in his throat. It was almost the sexiest thing Jensen had ever heard, coming in a close second to the sound of Misha falling apart under him.

 

**Oh, I love you more today than yesterday**

**But not as much as tomorrow**

**I love you more today than yesterday**

**But, darling, not as much as tomorrow**

 

Jensen had stopped singing, had slowed their bodies to a gentle sway. He pulled Misha closer, sliding one hand higher, past the crease of his shoulder blades to rest in Misha's hair. He gave it a slight tug, enough for Misha to bare his throat, knowing that was what Jensen wanted.

 

**Tomorrow's date means springtime's just a day away**

**Cupid, we don't need ya now, be on your way**

**I thank the Lord for love like ours that grows ever stronger**

**And I always will be true**

**I know you feel the same way too**

 

They were lost in each other now, kissing each other desperately. They always ended up this way, touching each other as if it were to be the last time.

 

**Oh, I love you more today than yesterday**

**But not as much as tomorrow**

**I love you more today than yesterday**

**But only half as much as tomorrow**

**Every day's a new day, every time I love ya**

**Every way's a new way, every time I love ya**

 

The song ended and another began but neither man was listening anymore. Jensen pulled them apart, everything else forgotten.

“Let's go upstairs Dimitri. Our bed is tragically empty right now. We need to fix that.” Jensen made quick work of shutting off the music, the lights, and locking the doors, tugging Misha around with him.

“Hey Mish, did you think, when you were in my driveway demanding to fuck my brains out this morning, that 30 of your closest family and friends were waiting in the house for you?” Jensen snickered.

“Fuck you! My _mom_ was here, Jesus.” Misha squeezed Jensen’s ass. “But… no one is here now so…” Misha squeezed harder, working a yelp out of Jensen.

“I was thinking that maybe you let _me_ fuck _your_ brains out tonight?” Jensen leaned in, his lips right next to Misha's ear. “Can I, Dimitri? I want to be inside you.” Misha groaned, feeling his knees give a little.

“Holy fuck Jensen. Happy birthday to me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Master playlist can be found [here](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLhyqv0_2arVoN5xuTzUVqVanGnR5iDc3k).
> 
> Songs used in this chapter:  
> [Love Will Keep Us Together - Captain and Tennille](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0aU57V6VBW0)  
> [I Love You More Today Than Yesterday - Spiral Staircase](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YuqHlv1YPe0)
> 
> Come say hi on [Tumblr!](https://casloveshisfreckles.tumblr.com/)


	7. I'm sorry but I meant to say, many things along the way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I struggled with this chapter and in the interest of keeping things spoiler free, I'll go ahead and leave my comments in the end notes.

Jensen was usually pretty good at biting his tongue. He had to be; growing up it was drilled into his head that making issues out of everything was weak and made you look like a crybaby. He was taught indifference, taught to make it look like everything just rolled off his back. Jensen worked hard, at first, to keep up this persona without coming across as too much of an asshole. But over time, he had started to drop the facade, mostly because of his relationship with Misha and his friendship with Jared. The two of them had an almost carefree way about them that Jensen envied and he admired them both for embracing who they were. He worked hard to do the same, not always succeeding but always trying. 

One thing he had trouble shaking however was his jealousy. He couldn’t help it, he had classic “middle child” syndrome. Everything his brother Josh did was practically perfect to his parents and Mac was basically untouchable; spoiled beyond belief not just by his mom and dad but by him and Josh too. Jensen felt like he was in constant competition with both of them, often times feeling like he failed over and over by not being as good as either of his siblings. When he left Texas for Los Angeles, the pressure to succeed was often times overwhelming but he knew that going back to Texas with his tail between his legs would be completely unacceptable to his father. Phone calls home, regardless of whether or not he had good news to share, made him feel inadequate once he heard how well Josh was doing with his new job and that Mackenzie was getting straight A’s and had made the Dean’s List again. Even when he got the gig on Days, it was  _ just  _ a soap opera and he got the impression that his dad thought he could do a lot better. 

It wasn’t until he started working on Supernatural, when he was a lead and not just an ensemble actor, that Jensen started to feel comfortable. So what if his dad occasionally joked about him being “Number 2”, Jared never let him feel like he was any less than a front runner, that they were nothing but equals. Jensen appreciated that more than he could ever explain. 

Then Misha came and spun Jensen’s life out, completely derailing everything he thought he knew about himself. Misha worshipped him, praised him, and made him feel as close to perfect as he’d ever felt. But Misha had a knack for making everyone around him feel that way. 

Jensen knew he was gone on the guy whenever Misha would flirt his way through a conversation with someone else and the jealousy would flare up inside him. Flirting came naturally to Misha and after watching it happen for so long, Jensen began to think that Misha didn’t even realize that he was doing it. That was the easiest way for Jensen to live with the fact that his boyfriend was a natural flirt. Take into account that Misha was incredibly aware of Jensen and his fluctuating moods, so he had a tendency to back off if he felt Jensen getting uncomfortable. Jensen appreciated their connection the most then.   
  


There was nothing he could do however, when they were apart. Misha always worked the conventions more days than Jensen did, which was why he usually tried to fly in a day early if his schedule allowed. Any extra time together was important to both of them and they tried to sneak it in as much as possible. Rome and San Diego were different, they both had to work every day and for that reason, these were Jensen's favorite conventions. 

This year, Rome had been awesome. Jensen was really happy with their panel, they played off each other perfectly. They spent a few days doing the tourist thing with everyone and even managed to sneak away for a day on their own. Rome was definitely theirs and everyone knew it. Now they were wrapping up the weekend in San Diego and their Comic Con panel had gone really well. This year they had made plans to stay a night in Capistrano before heading back to LA to go their separate ways and Jensen was looking forward to it. They were finishing up at the WB signing booth when it happened. 

For whatever reason, the coordinators had separated Jensen and Misha. Usually it was understood that they signed together, but Jensen had a sneaking suspicion that the network wasn't happy with them. They hadn't exactly backed up Jeremy on their panel the day before when he had gotten a difficult question about their choice to kill off Felicia's character. Jensen had a feeling he was a little pissed at all of them for it. Jensen didn't care because killing off Charlie was stupid, but there wasn't anything they could really do. He was mostly irritated that this was the way they were going to handle things. 

On top of everything, Jensen wasn't exactly pleased to see Misha and Jared on the other side of the booth, heads together, laughing over something on Misha's phone. Jensen knew it was dumb to feel jealous but shit, he was stuck alone while his boyfriend and his best friend were over there having a great time. Jensen got his own phone out, determined not to let it bother him. A loud laugh from Misha had him whipping his head up, only to see Jared's hand on Misha's shoulder while they laughed. Jensen felt hot under his suit jacket but he bit his tongue and had to turn away. 

Jensen didn't feel at ease again until they were done and lining up for the promo photos, when Misha slid in next to him, resting his hand on Jensen's lower back and not removing it until they were ready to go. 

They had a wonderful overnight in Capistrano where Jensen took the opportunity to remind Misha that he was his, over and over again. 

  


***

  


Next up was Washington DC, but this time Jensen wasn't going to be able to get in early, having been called to Burbank to shoot some promo for Season 11 with Jared. They would be flying to DC late Saturday so Jensen had made it a point to book an extra night in town so him and Misha could stay an extra day after the con. Misha loved Washington and he loved showing it to Jensen whenever they were there. 

Jensen and Jared had arrived in Burbank way too fucking early. Traffic kept them from being on time and they pulled up to the WB lot 45 minutes late. It was not shaping up to be a good day. Jensen had tried to reach Misha that morning before they started shooting but hadn't been successful. Misha had gone out with Matt, Rob, and Rich the night before and had drunk dialed Jensen around 2am which resulted in some really great phone sex and whispered promises for the next few days. It wasn't until they were on a break for lunch that he was able to check his messages, happy to see a few from Dee and one from Misha checking in. Jared was checking his phone too when he started cracking up, beckoning Jensen over to him. 

"Dude! Misha is insane, I don't know how you fucking deal with that guy sometimes." Jared was watching a video that he quickly restarted for Jensen. It was a fan video of the opening of Misha's panel. Jensen watched as Misha was introduced by Rob, watched as he came out of the curtain, riding on Matt's back, Matt's arms curled through his legs, his hands resting on Misha's thighs. Misha fit around Matt's slim frame, his arms curled around his neck. Misha was laughing, head thrown back and it made Jensen's throat feel tight. When they got to the center of the stage, Misha leaned in and gave Matt's neck a huge kiss, grinding his lips into Matt's neck. The entire crowd was laughing and cheering as Matt let go of Misha and spun him out and back into his arms. The video ended and Jensen made a disgusted noise in the back of his throat.  He thought he was going to be sick.

"Fucking turn that off man. I don't want to see that shit." Jensen wiped a hand down his face. 

The smile quickly left Jared's face as he watched Jensen's reaction. "Hey man, don't sweat it. You know how they get. They've probably been drinking too so..." He trailed off once he realized his words weren't having the desired effect. Jensen was pissed and pacing the room. "Uh, I'm going to hit the head. Seriously, don't worry about that video. It was stupid." He quickly exited the room.

Jensen was seeing red. He got his phone out and tried to call Misha. This shit was not ok. He didn't even care if it was supposed to be funny. Misha was always fucking around with Matt and usually, he didn't care but this was too much. Watching Misha... he looked so happy. Jensen was used to him saving those laughs for him and then he kissed Matt's neck? That was far too intimate for Jensen's comfort. And now Misha wasn't answering his phone. Jensen resisted the urge to throw his phone against the wall, motivated by the angry text messages he was about to send. 

Jensen 1:17 pm:  _ what the fuck _

Jensen 1:18pm: _ just watchd the opening to ur panel _

Jensen 1:18pm:  _ did you wait until the end to make out w matt at least? grand finale or what _

Jensen 1:20pm:  _ cant wait to see that vid. maybe jared will find that one too and show it to me and ruin my dinner  _

Jensen 1:25pm:  _ fuck misha what were u thinking _

Misha wasn't answering his messages and Jensen was just getting more and more pissed. He decided to check twitter and found the hashtag for the con pretty quickly in his mentions. He scrolled through the tag, finding more and more pictures of Misha on Matt's back. He stopped when he saw a tweet that had just posted, of Misha in Matt's photo op, their arms around each other with a fan in between them. Jensen thought his heart was going to stop as he quickly pulled up the con schedule on his phone. He confirmed what he already knew, that Misha and Matt didn't have an op together so what the fuck was he looking at? Misha was supposed to be on a break and instead he was in Matt's op? 

Jensen 1:35pm:  _ you really like crashing other peoples photo ops huh _

Jensen 1:36pm:  _ I cant believe you  _

Jensen 1:38pm: _ maybe matt will let you crash in his room tonight too _

Jensen was called back to set before he could text anything else. He was almost impossible to work with the rest of the afternoon and they ended up stopping early, the director saying he could finish this in a few weeks back in Vancouver. Jensen didn't want to look at his phone again but couldn't help pull it out. 

He had 10 missed calls and an inbox full of messages. 

Misha 3:10pm:  _ what the hell Jen _

Misha 3:10pm:  _ Answer your phone please?  _

Misha 3:14pm:  _ Please Jensen, answer the phone. I'm sorry.  _

Misha 3:15pm:  _ Fuck I have my photo op right now. 30 minutes and I'll be done. Please answer your phone when I call again.  _

Misha 3:45pm:  _ Jensen please. _

Misha 3:47pm:  _ little bunny... we were just fucking around. You know you're everything to me. I'm so sorry. please call me back.  _

Jensen turned his phone off and didn't touch it again until they were in DC. He turned it back on only to let Dee know they had landed safely. He ignored her text that Misha was trying to reach him, only to respond that he was handling it. 

Once they got to the hotel, he went straight to his room. Misha came knocking shortly after he arrived but he ignored him. His phone stayed off. 

The next morning, breakfast was delivered before he had a chance to order anything. Jensen drank the coffee but ignored the rest of the food, knowing he wouldn't be able to keep it down. He got ready for his morning panel with Jared and opened his door to find Misha sitting on the floor across from his room. He looked miserable. 

"How long have you been sitting there?" Jensen felt completely indifferent. He looked down at Misha, waiting for him to answer.

"About an hour?" Misha quickly stood up and went to Jensen. "I'm so sorry Jen, I'm sorry okay? I didn't think it was that bad, we were just fucking around. You know how Matt gets. Seriously, it was stupid." 

Jensen stared at him. "Misha. You fucking kissed him. On stage. Fucking  _ on stage _ , Misha. What the hell were you thinking?" Jensen ran his hand through his hair. "You kissed him Misha. You won't touch me for longer than a second in front of fans but you'll fucking kiss Matt? This is fucked up. I can't talk about this right now, I'm going to be late to my panel." Jensen made a move to walk away. He was stopped short by Misha grabbing his arm. He surprised himself by yanking his arm out of Misha's grip. "Don't. Just don't touch me right now ok?" 

Jensen walked away and didn't look back. 

  


***

  


Misha was nervous. While he usually found Jensen's jealously endearing, this time was different. He couldn't think back to a time when Jensen was this mad at him over his stupid antics. He didn't think anything him and Matt did the day before was all that bad but he had to respect Jensen's reaction to it. He decided to give Jensen the morning, hoping it would be more than enough time for him to come around. They had their ops and an entire extra day in DC together and Misha was determined to make it up to him. 

  


***

  


Jensen's morning was going horribly. He had mostly let Jared take the lead in their morning panel and any answers he did give were short. He just wasn't in the mood. Jared saved his ass but gave him shit for it afterwards and Jensen knew he was right to do it. He had to play the part and give the fans what they came for, as much as he just wanted to get on a plane and get the fuck out of Washington. After their panel, he stopped in the green room for more coffee on his way to his meet and greet, only to walk in to see Misha having coffee with Matt, Osric, and Tahmoh. Matt was laughing at something Misha had said and everyone was all smiles. Jensen wanted to put his fist through the wall. Osric saw him standing by the door and tried to wave him over. Jensen turned on the spot and walked out of the room, only to hear Misha calling after him. 

Misha caught up with him in the hallway. "Jensen! Wait. Come on, please. Talk to me." 

"I honestly have nothing to say to you right now. I have to go." 

"I don't know what to do here, seriously. You need to get over this, we have photos later and all of tomorrow to get through and I don't want to fight the whole time. Please." 

Jensen laughed except this laugh was empty. "I need to get over this Misha? I need to get over it. That's great. So I guess I shouldn't be upset that my boyfriend kissed another man in public and then continued to spend the day with him afterwards. Oh and the best part of my day so far has been interrupting their coffee date this morning. My apologies for the interruption." Jensen turned to go but not before he caught Misha rolling his eyes. He clenched his jaw and figured that since he wasn't biting his tongue this morning, he wouldn't start now. 

"Oh by the way, you don't have to worry about putting up with me an extra day. I cancelled our reservations and I'm flying home tonight." 

With that, he walked away from Misha for the second time that day. 

  
  


***

  


Needless to say, the rest of the convention did not go well. Jensen was short with everyone and Misha was just withdrawn and quiet. They both acted their way through their photo ops and both of them received threats of bodily harm from Jared if they didn’t get their shit together. Neither of them cared and both left Washington DC still not talking to each other. 

  


***

  


What little that was left of the summer sucked. After the shit show that was DC con, Misha immediately threw himself into GISHWHES. Thankfully Vicki had prepped so much that Misha just had to play along and try to enjoy the week. As fun as it was, his mood was dampened by the fight he and Jensen had. Usually Jensen checked in every day, wanting to hear about whatever crazy things the fans had done that day. This year, he didn't call once. Misha would send a text every other day or so but Jensen was not responding. He had talked to Dani a few times and she told him to just be patient, that Jensen would work it out for himself. 

Patience was not exactly Misha's strong point. Vicki talked him out of going to Texas a few times, reminding him that he would be seeing Jensen soon enough and to give him his space. Misha hated everyone a little for not letting him handle this on his own. They had never gone this long without contact and it was getting under Misha's skin in the worst way. His texts to Jensen got fewer and far between, and increasingly snarky. He knew he wasn't helping the situation but he was just getting more and more angry. 

As he packed for Minnesota, he decided there was no way they were continuing this stupid fight after the weekend. Misha just couldn't do it anymore. As he headed for the airport, he sent a text to Jensen, giving him his flight details as they normally would when traveling. 

Misha 9:03 am:  _ My flight is at 6. united flight 489. just in case it crashes, if you care _

Jensen didn't respond. Misha sent another text when he landed. 

Misha 9:36pm:  _ didn't crash. Minnesota is hot _

Jensen didn't respond. 

By the time he got to the hotel, Misha was fuming. He found Rich in the lobby and demanded they go out. Rich was always ready to go so he grabbed Rob, then found Sebastian and Mark coming off the elevator and invited them to join. No one could find Matt after Karaoke had ended and Misha was secretly glad. He didn't want any pictures of them together to get back to Jensen. The five men found a bar and a bartender that poured heavy. Misha was thankful for the distraction and eventually stopped looking at his phone. He didn't want to go back to the hotel, back to the emptiness of his room so he convinced Sebastian to hit a club with him. As the night got later, they were separated but Misha was so trashed, he didn't even care.

The club shut down far too early for Misha's taste and he stumbled out into downtown Minneapolis. He turned towards the general vicinity of his hotel and got his phone out as he walked. No messages from Jensen but he wasn't even surprised by that point. He was just about to turn the phone off when it was suddenly ripped out of his hands. He didn't even have time to react before something hit him from behind. 

  


***

  


Jensen woke up with a start. It took him a moment to realize that their house phone was ringing, it was such a foreign noise. No one ever called their house phone and he had seriously discussed getting rid of it with Dee every time he remembered that they had one. Jensen was disoriented as he groped for the phone, Dani groaning beside him. He glanced at the clock as he picked the phone up; 4:11 in the morning. 

"Hello? Who the hell—" 

"Oh my god, Jensen! It's Vicki." Vicki's tone immediately put Jensen on alert. "Jen, Misha's been hurt." 

"Vicki, what the hell happened? Is he ok? What's going on?" Jensen was suddenly having trouble breathing. Danneel was sitting up in bed now, her eyes wide.

"I don't know Jen, I don't know. The hospital called and said that someone called an ambulance because Misha was beaten up. He was out on the street at 2am, why would he be out walking the streets at 2am, Jensen? They said he's mostly ok but he was robbed and—" Vicki couldn't finish, she was sobbing too hard. 

"Ok, what hospital is he at?" Hearing Jensen say those words, Dani immediately jumped out of bed and grabbed her laptop, looking for the next flight to Minnesota. "Vicki, breathe... please. Tell me what hospital he's at." Jensen was trying to stay calm for Vicki but he needed to know where Misha was. He could hear Vicki taking deep breaths. 

"He's at St. Josephs. They are going to keep him there for observation. Jensen. What do I do? I can't get the kids on a plane by myself. He can't be alone, Jensen." The panic was creeping back into Vicki's voice. 

"It’s ok. They said he's ok so you stay put." Dani showed him her computer screen. "Dani just booked me on the next flight to Minnesota ok? I'm going to be there in 4 hours. I'll be there when he wakes up Vic, I promise. I'm going to give the phone to Dani now ok? I love you, I'll call you when I get to the hospital." 

"Jensen... take care of our boy." 

"I will Vic, I promise." With that, he handed the phone over to Dani and got himself ready in a flash. He had packed the night before so all he had to do was throw his duffle in the truck. He kissed JJ and Dani goodbye, thanking her softly for being the most amazing wife in the world. 

He was on a plane in less than an hour from when the phone woke them up. 

  


***

  


Jensen stood outside Misha's hospital room. Once he had landed in Minnesota, he was on the phone. He called Jared first but Dani had already talked to him. He was going to catch their original flight that afternoon and would meet up with him later. He had called the convention coordinator to let her know what was going on, that Misha would not be there and why. He called Rich and demanded to know what had happened the night before and how Misha ended up alone in downtown Minneapolis at 2am. Jensen was pissed when he figured out that Misha had gone off on his own after drinking too much. He had called Vicki once he got to the hospital to let her know he was there and she had assured him that the staff knew he was to be let in to see Misha, that he was immediate family. 

The doctor that treated Misha was still there and had explained to Jensen that Misha had been beaten, robbed, and left on the sidewalk. Some college kids had found him and called an ambulance. He had a split lip that had required stitches, a mild concussion, and some bruised ribs. The police had already been by and were set to return to talk to Misha once he woke up. He left Jensen alone outside of the room.

Jensen opened the door slowly, not wanting to wake Misha up. Seeing him in the hospital bed rocked Jensen to his core. He could see the stitches to Misha's lip and his shirt was off, bandages wrapped around his middle, probably due to the rib bruises.  An IV ran from Misha's arm to a stand next to the bed and a BP monitor was clipped to a finger on his left hand. He was sleeping and didn't stir when Jensen closed the door behind him. Jensen pulled a chair up to the side of the bed and quickly wound their hands together. He let his eyes trail up and down Misha's body and he finally let the tears come. He kept his lips pressed to the back of Misha's hand, his head bowed, holding on as tight as he thought he could, not wanting to hurt the unconscious man. 

Jensen was shocked to feel Misha squeeze his hand, his head snapping up, eyes flying to Misha's face. 

"Hey little bunny..." Misha's voice was rough but soft and it broke Jensen's heart. He stood up quickly and pushed the hair off Misha's forehead. He pressed a soft kiss to the side of his mouth.

"Mish... hi babe..." Jensen couldn't stop kissing Misha, pressing soft kisses down his face and across his shoulders. "I was so scared. I don't know what I would have done if something had happened to you." 

"Shh, I'm ok. I'm fine. I think Jared has hurt me worse when we've wrestled. Please Jen, I'm ok." Misha was soothing him when it should have been the other way around. "Have you spoken to Vicki? I want to call her." 

"Yeah, she's the one who called me." Jensen got his phone out before he remembered he couldn't use it in there. He reached for the wall phone and dialed Vicki's number. "I got on the first flight, wanted to be here when you woke up." He handed the phone over and held his hand while he talked to Vicki. 

Jensen let his head rest on their clasped hands as he waited for Misha to finish his phone call. He continued to press kisses to Misha's hand, never wanting to let go. 

Misha finished saying goodbye to Vicki and to both kids and Jensen took the phone and hung it up for him. He turned back to see Misha laying back in the bed, his eyes closed. 

“Mish…” Jensen spoke softly, not really wanting to disturb him. Misha opened his eyes and focused them on Jensen. “I’m so sorry. I've been such a fucking asshole and there's no excuse for my behavior. Giving you the silent treatment? Fuck, I'm an idiot. You didn't deserve that. I overreacted and I'm so sorry. Seeing you with Matt, seeing your lips on him, god it made me feel so—so crazy.” Misha dropped his eyes and it made Jensen's heart hurt. “I know you didn't mean anything by it. I know that. I just—I was so jealous. You can do that to Matt and no one blinks an eye, there aren't a bunch of people who are going to post about it and pick apart every detail and message Dee and… fuck its just so frustrating.” 

Misha cupped Jensen's face in his hands. “I understand Jen, I do. And I shouldn't have taken things that far with Matt. But if you had just used your words instead of pushing me away… I'm sad that we missed out on each other because we were both being stupid.” He gently stroked Jensen's cheek, gazing at him fondly. “I was determined to fix us this weekend. Didn't think I'd need to get mugged to do it.” Jensen cringed. “Last night… I was so mad when I landed and you still weren’t answering my texts. I was checking all night and I let myself get out of control. It was dumb. I'm sorry I scared you.”

“We're both fucking idiots, Dimitri.” 

Jensen stood to kiss Misha again, careful of his stitches. They were soon interrupted by the doctor, coming to check on Misha. Jensen made to excuse himself but Misha gripped his hand tight. 

“I'll be right outside ok? I want to call Dani and Jared, give them an update. I'll be just a few minutes.” He kissed the back of Misha's hand and let go. 

Once the doctor was done, Jensen slipped back in the room. He went to his duffle and grabbed his headphones before making his way back to the bed. 

“What did the doc say?” He sat back down and took Misha's hand again.

“He said they are waiting on some labs and that I can probably get out of here soon. Shit, I forgot to call Creation. They're probably freaking out.” Misha looked stressed.

“I called this morning, don't worry. Once I landed, I took care of it.” Jensen was running his free hand up and down Misha's arm. 

“You think of everything little bunny… Thank you.” Misha yawned. 

Jensen smiled and dug his phone out. “I want you to try and sleep but can we listen to something first? I heard it on the plane this morning, trying to distract myself.” He hooked up his earbuds and held them out to Misha. 

“Can we listen together? I'll scoot.” Misha moved himself over, making room for Jensen. He held his blanket open. 

Jensen looked skeptically at Misha. “You know we're giants right? Will I fit?” 

Misha gave him the puppiest of puppy eyes. “Can we try?”

Jensen raised an eyebrow. “Not fair. You know you can get me to do just about anything now.” He grumbled while he kicked off his boots. He studied the bed and finally climbed in, positioning their bodies so that Misha was laying back, tucked under one of Jensen's arms. Misha pressed the uninjured side of his face to Jensen's chest and breathed him in, grounding himself.

Jensen handed him an earbud and pressed play.

  


**Isn't it strange the way things can change**

**Life that you lead turned on its head**

**Suddenly someone means more than you felt for**

**House and its yard turns into home**

**I’m sorry but I meant to say many things along the way**

**So this one's for you**

  


As they listened, Jensen ran his fingers through Misha's hair, feeling him relax and burrow further into Jensen's chest. He tightened his arm around him.

  


**Have I told you I ache**

**Have I told you I ache**

**Have I told you I ache, for you**

**Have I told you I ache**

**And I hope it’s not too late**

**Can I hold you and ache for you?**

  


**The time that it took**

**Writing words for my book**

**Seems to have broken off**

**The gate that I shut**

**Last time I got hurt**

**Seems to have opened itself**

**Oh the world is spinnin' now**

**It's tryna catch me up**

**Tell me to appreciate, here and now**

**I'm sorry but I meant to say**

**Many things along the way**

**This ones for you**

  


Misha was overwhelmed. The trauma of the night before and being there now, in Jensen's arms was just too much. He broke down, letting everything he was holding back break free. Jensen just kept his arms around him, kept softly sweeping his hand through his hair. Misha felt safe, loved. He wanted to stay this way forever.

  


**Have I told you I ache**

**Have I told you I ache**

**Have I told you I ache, for you**

  
  


The song came to an end but Jensen didn't falter. His chest hurt, feeling Misha crumble under the weight of the last 12 hours, the last month. He did all he could to freeze time, eventually hearing Misha's breathing even out as he fell asleep. 

Jensen settled back and closed his eyes. They stayed that way for a time, finally back at peace with each other. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I saw the photos of Misha at Minncon, I wanted to address what happened in the fic but then I saw the photos of Jensen helping him cover his stitches and that just about sealed the deal. I knew I wouldn't like writing about it but I never imagined it would be as hard as it was. I love these boys, if that wasn't clear and just thinking about Misha as vulnerable as he must have been well, it about killed me. 
> 
> Anyway, I hope my love for them comes across in my words. I can promise that the rest of the fic is all rainbows. Literally. So, thanks for sticking with me.
> 
> Master playlist can be found [here](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLhyqv0_2arVoN5xuTzUVqVanGnR5iDc3k).
> 
> Song used in this chapter:  
> [Ache - James Carrington](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zdd2-iamWwE)
> 
> Come say hi on [Tumblr!](https://casloveshisfreckles.tumblr.com/)


	8. I stay stoned on your love all the time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll never apologize for loving the sound of Jensen's voice. I can only imagine that Misha feels the same.

It had been an exhausting convention. Misha was already tired and it was only Saturday. When the coordinators at Creation had approached him with their idea to add another photo op to his lineup, this time in character as Castiel, he thought it sounded like fun. Everyone he ran the idea by agreed so he told them yes. This was his first con with the added op and he wasn't expecting it to be so tiring. The good news was that the op sold out and the fans seemed to really enjoy it so he wasn’t too mad about it. Just really tired.

Misha checked his schedule and tried to figure out if he could squeeze in a nap before dinner. Looking it over, he doubted it. He groaned as he remembered that tonight was the Saturday Night Special and how pissed everyone would be if he skipped it this time. He considered the idea as he rode the elevator up to his room.

As he stepped out of the elevator, his phone buzzed in his hand. He had a new message from Jensen.

Jensen 7:35pm: _“Meet you in our room before dinner?”_

Misha smiled softly. His heart thrummed in his chest, excited at the idea of a quiet moment alone together. He opened the door to their room, wanting to sit for a minute before replying, only to see Jensen standing by the window with his phone in his hand.

Jensen grinned as he looked up at the opening door.

“Great minds, huh?”

They met each other halfway, Jensen’s arms settling themselves around Misha’s neck. Jensen leaned in, burying his face in Misha’s neck.

“Missed you today Mish” he mumbled. “Barely got to see you at all. Did you have a good day?”

Misha sighed and nodded. “Too fucking busy Jen. Creation won’t be happy until every minute of my day is filled with fan stuff. Maybe that extra op wasn’t such a good idea.”

Jensen shook his head. “No man, I saw some of the pictures on twitter. You look fucking awesome.” He turned his head to gently place some kisses along Misha’s throat. “Seriously, wait until you see them.”

Misha sighed again before breaking away. He headed towards towards the bathroom, wanting to splash some water on his face before they went out again for dinner.

“Hey babe?” He heard Jensen call. “Are we going to the show tonight?”

Misha tensed up, his idea to skip it all and go to bed creeping back into his head. He poked his head out of the bathroom.

“Honestly, I don’t know. I’m fucking exhausted.”

Jensen looked up sharply from where he was sitting. “Are you sure? I heard it’s going to be awesome. Rob asked if I wanted to sing and I’m thinking about it.”

Misha rolled his shoulders, trying to shake some of the tension loose. He hated to miss when Jensen sings but his exhaustion was really starting to set in. Before he could make excuses, Jensen was picking up the room phone.

“Hi, can I get room service?” He held on the line for a moment, a mischievous grin lighting up his face. “Yeah, can I order a rib-eye, medium, a baked potato with the works on the side, um some of that sauted asparagus and… what kind of beer do you have? Oh great, bring up a few Sam Adams too please." He paused. "30 minutes? Great, thanks.”

He hung up the phone and grinned at Misha.

“There you go babe, dinner will be served in 30 minutes. Grab a shower, eat, and rest until the show starts. I’d join you but I already promised Jared I’d meet him for dinner. You know how he gets.”

Misha laughed and pulled Jensen in for a kiss. “You’re the best, you know that? You better call me and make sure I’m awake later. After that food, I’m going to be down for the count.”

“I will, promise.” Jensen sealed his declaration with a kiss. “I’ll see you later Dimitri, don’t forget to tip your waiter.”

And with a wink and a wave, the door shut behind him.

 

***

 

Misha woke with a start. The room was dark, save for the light from the bathroom that he left on earlier. His phone was ringing with that silly ringtone the kids had made for him and Jensen a few weeks ago.

“Daaaaaaad! Answer your phone! It’s Papaaaaaaaaaa!” Followed by an insane amount of giggles. Jensen’s version was similar, with JJ and Maison cracking up while West told him it was Misha calling. Every time their phones rang, they couldn’t help but laugh.

“Hey little bunny.” Misha grumbled. “What time is it?”

“Time for you to get your ass downstairs Dimitri! I left you a drink on your nightstand. Come on, show is starting soon!” Misha glanced to his left and sure enough, a tumbler of whiskey sat on top of a note on the hotel stationery. Jensen must have snuck back upstairs while Misha was asleep.

He read the note. “See you soon, angel!” followed by a ridiculous number of x’s and o’s and a little bunny drawn in the corner. Jensen was a complete idiot about Misha. He loved it. He got up and tucked the note into his bag.

“Alright, give me a few minutes to wake up and I’ll be down there.”

He could hear the muffled sound of Jensen talking to someone in the background. “OK, don’t make me have to go drag you down here! Oh and babe, check your messages!”

Misha could hear Jensen’s smile as the phone cut off. He looked at the time and noticed that it was already past 10, so he had missed the beginning of the show. He frowned, disappointed that Jensen waited so long to wake him up. He hastily pulled on some clothes and ran his fingers through his hair, trying to do something about the bed head he knew he was rocking.

He knocked back the glass of whiskey while opening his messages. He saw a new message from Jensen and thought it was weird that he would try to wake him up with a text instead of a phone call. He opened the message, realizing that the text was totally different than what he was thinking it might be:

Jensen: 10:05pm: _10:45. Main Hall. front and center (Jared’s saving you a seat)_

Misha’s heart began to beat wildly in his chest. Usually these messages came with a link to a song or a file to download but this one was different. Sure it had the time and location but… what the hell was Jensen up to?

Misha checked the time again and saw that he only had about 15 minutes to get to his seat. He hurried out the door.

 

***

 

Jensen paced nervously backstage. He was starting to second guess that this was a good idea. Jared watched him in amusement and grabbed his arm as he stalked past him for the tenth time.

“Dude, chill the fuck out.” He pushed another drink into Jensen’s hands. Ever since Jensen had told him about his plan, he had been talking him off the ledge. “He’s going to love it, he loves when you do fucking cheesy shit for him, you know that.”

Jensen nodded, deep in thought. He wheeled his arms around, trying to work out some of the nervous energy he was carrying.

Jared shook him by the shoulder and gave him an encouraging smile. “Ok man, I’m going out to my seat. Kick ass up there.”

Jensen watched him walk through the curtain to the stage. He heard the roar of the crowd as Jared went up to the mic to greet the fans. He hopped in place a little, still trying to settle his nerves.

Before he knew it, he could hear Rob announcing him. As the crowd went crazy, he pushed through the curtain; his face lit up. His nerves had turned into adrenaline and he was ready. He walked up to Rob, hugging him while leaning into his ear to give him a simple “Thanks buddy.” Rob squeezed his shoulder and leaned in. “He’s going to love it man, go get ‘em tiger!”

Jensen couldn’t help but laugh and felt some of his nervousness slip even further away. He walked up to the mic.

“How you doin’ SPN family??!”

The crowd went nuts. He looked around and found who he was looking for. Misha was staring up at him, his blue eyes wide, his smile practically splitting his face in half. Jensen’s confidence slipped into place at that look. He took a deep breath before addressing the crowd again.

“I just want to take a minute before we get started here and say a few things. First of all, thank you to all of you who made it out tonight. Without you, we’re just a bunch of old guys singing to ourselves.” That earned him some laughs from the fans and the guys on stage. “As some of you know, a few years ago I wouldn’t have been caught dead up here, especially with my guitar in my hands. That has obviously changed."

Jensen blushed. "I would be an idiot to think that had anything to do with my own confidence getting better, because it was actually a very special person that convinced me that I was good enough to stand on a stage and sing in front of other people. Don’t get me wrong, this is still terrifying but thanks to that special someone, I can stand here today and sing for you. So I’d just like to take this opportunity to say thank you." He cleared his throat. "D... if it weren’t for you, I don’t know where I’d be, hell I don’t know _who_ I would be. You make me a better person every single day that we are together and I love you more today than yesterday. I’m serious, it’s not stopping. This one’s for you, sunshine.”

With that, Jensen stepped back and the opening chords of Tennessee Whiskey filled the room. Jensen stepped back up to the mic, locking eyes with Misha as he did.

 

**Used to spend my nights out in a bar room**

**Liquor was the only love I’ve known**

**But you rescued me from reaching for the bottom**

**And brought me back from being too far gone**

 

**You’re as smooth as Tennessee Whiskey**

**You’re as sweet as strawberry wine**

**You’re as warm as a glass of brandy**

**And honey I stay stoned on your love all the time**

 

Jensen finally had to look away, because the look on Misha’s face was as if the sun was trying to burst out of it. It was too much, he knew he wouldn't be able to finish the song if he kept their eyes locked, because it was getting harder by the second not to jump off the stage and kiss his boyfriend in front of the whole room. He couldn’t help but notice Jared, phone in hand, grinning like a fool as he watched his two best friends stare at each other.

 

**I’ve looked for love in all the same old places**

**Found the bottom of the bottle always dry**

**But when you poured out your heart I didn’t waste it**

**Cause there’s nothing like your love to get me high**

 

He sang though the chorus again, his cheeks sore from smiling. As Billy played the instrumental, Jensen jumped off the stage and walked over to Misha and Jared. After a quick hug to Jared’s shoulders, he grabbed Misha in a full embrace, lips to his ear.

“Surprise, sunshine.”

Before Misha could get a word in, Jensen jumped back on stage to finish the song. He could see Rob and Mark and the rest of the guys grinning at him.Together they finished the song, the crowd going absolutely crazy by the end.

Rob stepped back up to the mic. “Jensen Ackles ladies and gentlemen! Jensen, wanna stick around for one more?”

Jensen smiled and agreed. It was tradition for him to sing Whipping Post and as much as he wanted off that stage, he didn’t want to let the fans down.

As the song started, he noticed Jared and Misha get up from their seats and walk towards the back of the room. He knew they were headed backstage and right where he would find Misha in a minute.

As the interlude to Whipping Post approached, Jensen could feel the butterflies building. The other tradition to singing Whipping Post was meeting Misha in the folds of the curtain during that one minute interlude. The things the two of them have accomplished in those 60 seconds was nothing short of a miracle. He knew this time would certainly be interesting.

As the instrumental hit, Jensen rushed off the stage, only to be met with two strong hands pulling him close. Misha’s mouth was crashing into his, one hand gripping his hair and the other sliding up the back of his shirt.

“Jensen Ross Ackles, what in the world are you trying to do to me?!” Misha demanded between kisses. “And now you’re up there singing another song when all I want to do is -” Jensen cut him off with his mouth as he ground their hips together.

“You’ll get your chance, Dimitri.” Jensen grinned in the dark against Misha’s lips. “Be right back baby.”

With that, he ran back out on stage.

 

***

 

Now it was Misha’s turn to pace backstage. Jared watched with amusement. He made eye contact with Misha after one of his many turns around the greenroom.

“Dude, he was doing the same damn thing before he got on stage. Did you have any idea he was going to do that?”

Misha stopped and stared at Jared. “No! You knew?! How long? Who else knew?!”

Jared laughed, loudly. “Oh man, we all knew. Me, the band, hell even the girls knew. I was live streaming it to them the whole time. You didn’t notice?”

Misha blushed furiously. He hadn’t even thought to check his phone but did just then. He had messages from all of the wives, heart eye emojis, lips, hearts with arrows through them. He chuckled. “You’re all worse than the fans.”

Jared laughed again. “Yup dude, sorry. We all ship Cockles.”

At that, the door to the green room opened and the band and all the cast that sang that night bounced into the room. Another tradition was to have a drink or ten together before heading to bed, the high of the performance taking some time to wear off.

Jensen was one of the last in the room and he rushed straight to Misha’s side, sweeping him into his arms for a kiss. The room erupted in cheers and laughs. Misha was still blushing as he laughed into Jensen’s mouth.

“And I was almost going to miss this!” He shook his head in amazement, staring at Jensen fondly. “You always manage to surprise me little bunny.”

They stood together, arms around each other while the nightly toasts were made. Jared was the last to stand up, holding his glass of whiskey in the air.

“I’d just like to say how much I love all of you. You’re my family and I think we’re very lucky to have each other. And to my best friends, I’m happy that you’re happy and that you aren’t afraid of love and I hope you see how much joy it brings all of us to see you together.” With that, he tipped his glass in the direction of his two brothers while everyone else shouted their agreements and well wishes.

It was Jensen’s turn to blush, not used to being the center of attention amongst all their friends.

“Alright, ok, come on now.” He motioned for everyone to sit down. “Thank you, all of you. You guys are the best and we love you. However,” he held up a finger. “We gotta call it a night. I’m like, 99% sure I’m getting lucky tonight.”

With a devilish grin, he grabbed Misha by the hand and pulled him out of the room to the sound of catcalls and what he is pretty sure was Jared whistling crassly.

 

***

 

It was easy for the fans to speculate that Jensen was singing to Misha. Aside from coming right out and saying it, the way he used “D”, “special someone”, and making the declaration of love and repeating words that the fans have clung to for years, that “it's not stopping” was enough for the real fans to wonder if everything they ever thought was indeed true.

Misha was actually impressed with how far Jensen had taken things that night. Usually it’s him that pushes the envelope but he had noticed how Jensen was being more and more free with his comments and hints at their relationship. Misha couldn’t help but feel warm at the thought that they no longer had to work so hard to hide how they felt for each other, speculation be damned.

Later, as they lay together in their shared bed, Misha lovingly kissed Jensen senseless.

“You’re amazing, you know that? I need to stop underestimating you because every time I do, you shock the hell out of me.”

Jensen laughed at that. “I thought that was your job, Dimitri. Don’t you know I love you more today than yesterday?”

Misha grinned at their usual sentiment and pulled Jensen closer. “But darling, not as much as tomorrow.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Full disclosure: I'm well aware that Misha's Cas ops are on Sundays. (I just needed them on a Saturday for this chapter k?)
> 
> Master playlist can be found [here](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLhyqv0_2arVoN5xuTzUVqVanGnR5iDc3k).
> 
> Songs used in this chapter:  
> [Tennessee Whiskey - Chris Stapleton](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4zAThXFOy2c).
> 
> And just because I love you and everyone deserves nice things... Here's Jensen actually singing [ Tennessee Whiskey.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0o0hikuLYTo) (Even if he sometimes messes up the words.)(Freaking adorable idiot.) 
> 
> Come say hi on [Tumblr!](https://casloveshisfreckles.tumblr.com/)


	9. You're my saving grace, you're my kind of church

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My headcannons went WILD by the end of this story and I'm not even sorry. ;)
> 
> We're so close to the end! Hope you enjoy!

These were Jensen’s favorite kind of nights. Sure they were stuck on set, waiting for a call back that, in all actuality, may never come. Sometimes schedules got mixed up and after hours of waiting, the director could just decide to call it a night. Jensen was hoping it was one of those nights because everything was just going so perfectly.

After a rather enjoyable dinner with the crew, Jensen and Misha decided to wait the break out in Jensen’s trailer. Usually Jared would join them but tonight he passed in favor of a nap on his own couch. Jensen didn’t mind because he wanted to relax a bit himself without having his hyperactive best friend all up in his space. He and Misha were currently in an extended state of relaxation, the Bose system playing a random playlist from Jensen’s phone and MSNBC muted on the TV for Misha. They were both sprawled out on the couch; Misha was on his laptop, tucked under one of Jensen’s arms, their legs tangled together on the ottoman. Jensen was going over his script for the next day’s shots, his usual routine when he was spending the week in Vancouver.

“What are you working on tonight babe?” he asked as he absentmindedly ran his fingers through Misha’s hair.

Misha responded with a content hum. He loved when Jensen played with his hair and he’d deny it to his dying day. Only Vicki and Jensen knew how much he enjoyed it and he planned on keeping it that way.

“Just going over some idea’s for this year’s GISHWHES. Dani emailed me her list this morning and I think the finalized list of fan ideas should be done soon.” Misha sighed. “I love this but the planning is so exhausting.”

Jensen smiled. As much as Misha loved to complain, and he did, he fucking lived for complaining; Jensen knew that he loved GISHWHES more than just about any other project he takes on during the year. It was his baby after all, and it had changed so many lives. He knew that Misha was incredibly proud of the work.

“Anything particularly crazy this year? Is my face going to end up on anything I should be aware of?” Jensen smirked. He could only imagine how Misha and Dani planned to top the skittles portrait.

“Yeah, FYI… I’ve challenged them to tattoo your face anywhere on their body. I hope someone puts it on their ass!” Misha side-eyed him, waiting for his reaction. “They're going to get extra points for that! ”

He didn’t have to wait long, feeling Jensen’s hand clench tightly in his hair.

“You know, if this whole fallen angel thing doesn't work out, you should go into comedy, Dimitri.” Jen said dryly.

Misha gave a breathy chuckle, the feeling of Jensen tugging on his hair making his pants a little tight. He moved into the touch, twisting slightly to kiss the other man's neck. He could hear Jensen’s breath hitching into his throat.

“Now, now Mish. What if they call us back? I'd hate to start something we can't finish.”

Misha whined deep in his throat. “I can be quick.”

“And where's the fun in that?” Jensen asked, unwinding himself from his boyfriend's body. “I'm going to make us some tea.”

He stood up and walked over to the kitchen, an idea forming in his mind. As he heated up some water for the tea, he slid his phone out of his pocket.

 

***

 

Misha sat back on the empty couch with a huff. He really didn't want to get back to his work and would rather be helping Jensen out of his clothes instead. As he waited for Jensen to return, he decided to check Twitter. As he was opening the app, he got a text notification. ‘New message from Jen’. Misha glanced over to the kitchenette, only to be met with the sight of Jensen’s back. He opened the message:

Jensen 9:43pm: _Right now. my arms. ask me to press play_

He looked up, seeing Jensen standing in front of him with two steaming mugs of tea. He showed his screen to the man, one eyebrow raised. “Care to explain, little bunny?”

“You're not following the rules.” Jensen gave him a fake pout. “What did I ask you to do?”

Misha rolled his eyes. “Jen, darling, will you please press play?”

The pout was gone in a flash, Jensen’s bright green eyes lighting up. “It would be my pleasure babe!”

Jensen whipped his phone out and tapped the screen. Misha could hear the music change.

“Country? Really? “ Misha gave him a look.

“Alright buddy, just shut up and dance with me.” Jensen reached his arms towards Misha expectantly.

Misha let him haul him off the couch and into his arms. The first thing Jensen did was spin him around in a one armed spin. “Seems like those dance lessons are still paying off, eh Dimitri?” Jensen wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. “Just do me a favor and listen to the words.” He placed a soft kiss on the edge of Misha's mouth as they danced slowly in place.

 

**When the sun had left and the winter came**

**And the sky thawed to only bring the rain**

**I sat in darkness**

**All broken-hearted**

**I couldn't find a day I didn't feel alone**

**I never meant to cry, started losing hope**

**But somehow baby**

**You broke through and saved me**

 

Jensen drew Misha closer to him, leaning in to sing quietly in Misha’s ear.

 

**You're an angel. Tell me you're never leaving**

**'Cause you're the first thing I know I can believe in**

 

Misha sighed softly. He couldn't help the surge in his chest as he held on to Jensen. He loved these soft moments between them, craved them when they were apart for long stretches of time. If he could bottle this moment and keep it forever, he would. He closed his eyes and rested his chin on his lover's shoulder. Jensen was still singing softly into his ear.

 

**You're holy, holy, holy, holy**

**I'm high on loving you, high on loving you**

**You're holy, holy, holy, holy**

**I'm high on loving you, high on loving you**

 

Misha pulled back a bit, making it easier to stare into Jensen’s eyes. He pressed their foreheads together.

“Jen, I'm so happy. You just, you make me so happy. I never thought—I've always wanted—“ Misha struggled to find the words he was looking for. Feeling vulnerable was something he always tried to avoid, even if he knew deep down that Jensen would never judge him, especially during these moments.

Jensen just kissed him gently and pulled him closer, returning to singing in his ear as he rubbed circles into Misha’s lower back.

 

**You made the brightest days from the darkest nights**

**You're the river bank where I was baptized**

**Cleansed from the demons**

**That were killing my freedom**

**Let me lay you down, give me to ya**

**Get you singing, babe, hallelujah**

**We'll be touching**

**We'll be touching heaven**

 

As the song continued, Jensen kept Misha pressed against him. He let the words of the song speak for him, for the time being. He never wanted to let Misha go, and he fully intended on making him understand that.

 

**I don't need these stars 'cause you shine for me**

**Like fire in my veins, you're my ecstasy**

**You're my ecstasy**

 

**You're holy, holy, holy, holy**

**I'm high on loving you, high on loving you**

**You're holy, holy, holy, holy**

**I'm high on loving you, high on loving you**

 

**You're the healing hands where it used to hurt**

**You're my saving grace, you're my kind of church**

**You're holy**

 

As the song trailed off, the two men came to a stop, neither wanting to let go. Eventually they just stood pressed together, breathing softly into each other. Finally, Jensen tugged Misha onto the couch, arms around him as he positioned their bodies together.

“I need you to know something Dimitri. At this moment, I'm the happiest I've ever been. Don't get me wrong, I love the life I've built with Dani, with the kids. But you… you've changed my life Mish. I’ve never been loved the way you love me, without hesitation or doubt or making me feel like I owe you or have to pay you back for it. Your love gives me freedom. Freedom to be who I am without worrying what anyone thinks.”

He pressed a soft kiss to Misha’s cheek. “You've shown me that I can have room in my life for more than one great love and not feel guilty for it. I love you, Dimitri. I love our life together. I love that your kids call me Papa. I love our wild and crazy family and I love that it works for us. You've given me so much more than I ever thought I'd deserve in life. Just… thank you.” He pressed more kisses to the soft spot behind Misha’s ear.

As he spoke, he could feel tears falling from Misha’s cheeks. He gently kissed them away.

“Don't cry, Mishka. Please.”

Misha responded by pressing their mouths together. He was completely drowning in the moment and he never wanted it to end.

Jensen had other plans. As he gently pushed the other man into sitting position, he leaned over and passed Misha his cup of tea, brushing a few stray tears from Misha’s face.

He sat back and fiddled with his cup. “So I was reading some stuff online… about commitment ceremonies?”

Misha’s eyes swept quickly from his cup to Jensen’s face. He took a deep breath. “Jen, what are you saying?”

“I'm saying that I think we should do it. I'm saying that I want to commit myself to you in front of our families and our friends. I'm saying that I've talked with Dani about it and she thinks it’s a great idea. I'm saying that I love you Misha Collins, and I don't want anyone to ever think otherwise.”

The tears were threatening their return. Misha decided now would be a good time to confess.

“I've talked about this with Vicki too.” He glanced at Jensen, registering the slight surprise in his eyes. “I told her I didn't want a divorce or anything and that I'd never ask you to do that either, but how I wish we could bind ourselves together in some way too. I told her that I'd marry you in a heartbeat if I could. She wasn't surprised, to say the least. Said she was waiting for me to figure it out.” He laughed. “She's too smart for her own good.”

He locked eyes with Jensen again, noticing a strange look on his face. “What is it?”

“I’ve had this same conversation with Dani. I mean, I love her and we've made 3 beautiful children together and I don’t regret that for a minute. But fuck Mish, I'd marry you in a heartbeat too.”

Misha put his mug down on the table and looked into his boyfriend’s eyes again. They were shining, just as he suspected his were as well. “Are we being serious right now? You really want to do this? Because we—”

Jensen cut him off. “Do I look like I’m kidding? This really isn’t something to joke about; we’re discussing the rest of our lives. I want to live mine next to you. With you, with Dani and Vicki, with all our crazy kids. I want this, I’m not scared of that life. And you did that for me, Mish. You make me brave.”

Jensen looked at Misha with a ferocity and determination that Misha had never seen in his eyes before. His mind raced with the possibilities, complications, and even trepidation as he thought about how quickly things had shifted.

Jensen sighed and rubbed his mouth. “I can hear you over thinking, Mish. Please stop and just kiss me instead?”

He gave Misha a pleading look. There was no way he was going to pour all these feelings out and have Misha freak out. They both knew how solid their relationship was and sometimes he just had to give Misha a little push. He huffed out a laugh, thankful that their long and sometimes bumpy road had brought them here.

Misha made a decision right then and there, staring into Jensen’s open and decidedly vulnerable face. Whatever comes with taking this giant leap, they would face it together, just like everything else that came before.

“Ok. Ok, I’m sorry. You’re right. I’m just going to shut up and kiss you now. A lot. Because I want this, with you. I want this life together and whatever comes with it. Fuck, you scare the shit out of me and make me into an absolutely insane person and it’s so fucking exciting, I want to scream. But I guess kissing works too.”

With that, he couldn’t stop himself from pouncing on top of Jensen, claiming his mouth.

“Finally.” Jensen muttered with a smirk around Misha’s lips. As he ran his hands up under Misha’s shirt, there was a loud knock on the door.

“Are you fucking kidding me right now?!” they groaned in unison, staring at each other briefly before cracking up.

They could hear the PA calling through the door to the trailer. “Jensen? They need you in ten. Hey, is Misha in there with you? He isn’t in his trailer.”

The two men smirked at each other.

“We’ll be right there!” they both called out at once.

Jensen turned his eyes back to Misha as they made moves to get up. “So. What do you think sounds better? Mr. Misha Ackles? I think I’m a bit partial to Jensen Krushnic, if I’m being honest.”

Misha swatted at him as he opened the door to the trailer.

Jensen trailed behind him. “What? Doesn’t that sound like a superhero name? Mish? Come on man, what do you think?”

“Sounds like the villain." He looked back at Jensen and smirked. "And I think you’re getting ahead of yourself, Jackles. I also think we better call our wives and tell them they have a party to plan.” Misha grabbed Jensen’s hand and lifted it to his mouth for a kiss.

They spent the rest of the night grinning at each other like idiots while they tried to finish their shots. No one assumed anything was different, considering this is usually how Jensen and Misha worked together. Everyone felt the most sorry for the PA who was assigned to them. Poor guy was busy trying to drag them out of every random corner they ended up making out in, all night long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I wrote this, I had no idea this year would be the last GISH in it's current form so that's why there is no mention of that in this chapter.
> 
> Master playlist can be found [here](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLhyqv0_2arVoN5xuTzUVqVanGnR5iDc3k).
> 
> Songs used in this chapter:  
> [H.O.L.Y. - Florida Georgia Line](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zXDAYlhdkyg).
> 
> Come say hi on [Tumblr!](https://casloveshisfreckles.tumblr.com/)


	10. No doubt in my mind where you belong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We fall in love by chance.
> 
> We stay in love by choice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it! The end. The final chapter. I just want to give a quick thanks to everyone who has read this fic, I appreciate you so much! 
> 
> And love to my fellow HDP's... I wouldn't write a word without y'all and I know for sure I'd never have had the guts to post this without your support.

Misha ran, feeling the wind on his face, the sun on his back. He was two miles into his run and he felt good. He knew he was hitting his stride, that the rest of the run would be easy for him. Three miles in finds him at the ridge, where he stopped for a moment to take in the ocean view in front of him. He adjusted his sunglasses and snapped a few pictures; one a selfie for Jensen, smiling into the camera as if he was looking right at him. The bright blue sky was flawless behind him, the dark waves of the Pacific Ocean breaking below. He quickly sent the picture to Jensen.

Jensen 7:25am:  _ nice day for a white wedding  _

Jensen 7:26am:  _ can you ask that hottie in the pic to meet me at the altar later? _

Misha 7:27am:  _ it's not really an altar. more like a canopy type thing?  _

Jensen 7:30am:  _ shut up and get back here. food is almost done _

Misha felt a renewed sense of energy and broke into a sprint.

  


***

  


Jensen was putting the finishing touches on breakfast. He had made a ton of french toast—it was Misha's favorite—and Jensen knew he'd be hungry when he got back from his run. Once Misha got back to the house, Jensen would start the eggs while Misha showered so everything would be done by the time he was finished. A fresh pot of coffee was brewing and the house they were staying in smelled amazing. Jensen checked the time and saw that they had about another hour before people were going to start showing up to get everything ready for that evening.  Jensen was happy.

  


***

  


Misha arrived back at the house in record time. He pulled off his running shoes and peeled his socks off, leaving them outside. He slipped in the backdoor and followed the smell of coffee to the kitchen. Jensen had his music playing throughout the house so he wouldn't have heard Misha if he had called out. All the better for Misha as he quietly approached the doorway, seeing Jensen facing the stove, his back to Misha. Jensen was dancing, Coldplay's “Hymn for the Weekend” playing over the speakers. Misha was thrilled that his love for the band had bled over to Jensen but he loved what he was looking at more; Jensen wearing those ridiculous boxer briefs with the bear on them, swivelling his hips to the beat, singing along to the song. As it came to an end, Misha crossed the kitchen, giving applause where it was due. He could have sworn Jensen jumped about five feet. 

“Son of a bitch! Jesus Dimitri, you scared me. Warn a guy!”

“Sorry, little bunny. You were too cute to interrupt.” 

“S’not cute Mish… those were my sexy moves.” 

“Oh, my apologies Mr. Ackles. They were very sexy moves. I can hardly contain myself.” 

Jensen grabbed him and wrapped Misha's arms around his waist. He leaned in to nose at Misha's neck, licking a long stripe across his collarbone. Misha tasted like cinnamon, sweat, and sunshine. Jensen was drunk on the taste and he was very displeased that he had to send Misha off to the shower. 

“I really don't want to let you go Mish but you need to shower. People are going to be here soon.” 

Misha growled and ground his hips into Jensen's. “Can't I just fuck you against this countertop instead? That sounds like more fun.” 

Jensen gritted his teeth. Misha was making this… hard. “Nope. No, you cannot.” He squeezed Misha's perfect ass. “I think it would put a damper on things if our families walked in to you fucking me into the table they're about to eat breakfast on.”

“Do you think it would be upsetting to them if they walked in on me blowing you?” Misha looked thoughtful as if he was seriously weighing the pros and cons.

“Misha, get in the fucking shower or you're not getting any french toast.” Jensen spun him around and pushed him towards the back of the house. He smiled and started the eggs. 

  


***

  


It had been 6 months since they decided to “make things official.” Breaking the news to their wives over a group Skype call was interesting; both women talking over the other with “oh my god, finally!” and “it’s about fucking time!” and immediately ignoring the two men to start planning. Jensen and Misha exchanged glances as talks of Pinterest boards and scheduled planning dates commenced. 

They immediately went to tell Jared before he found out via Gen because they’d never hear the end of it if that happened. Jared started Googling “how to become ordained” until Jensen had to gently remind him that they weren’t actually getting married and told him to Google “commitment ceremonies” instead. He did and immediately asked if he could officiate and looked so hopeful, neither Jensen or Misha could say no. There was no one else they would want to take on that role for them anyways. 

Their wives completely took over. It was agreed that they wanted to keep the ceremony short and the reception small, immediate family, friends and close cast and crew from the show. While they were mostly tasked only with writing their vows, Jensen and Misha had their own demands, though the list was short: by the beach, at sunset, casual, open bar and they get to pick the music. Jensen wanted to be in charge of what they wore and as much as Misha protested, Jensen wouldn’t budge. There was no way he was committing himself to the man if he was wearing some hideous sweater and sandals with grass on them. 

Danneel found a beautiful house in Malibu, overlooking the Pacific Ocean. It had a giant backyard, big enough to hold the ceremony and party afterwards. It also slept 10 so the families could all stay together.  When she showed it to Jensen and Misha, they were so excited they booked the house for two weeks.

Invitations went out and not a single person declined to attend. 

  


***

  


“Daddy?”

Both Jensen and Misha looked up, seeing JJ standing in the doorway to their room, her straw colored hair in a messy bun, pieces falling out around her face. 

Jensen's eyes softened, taking in his beautiful daughter. Misha leaned down and as she walked towards him, he opened his arms and picked her up, walking to the window to point out the birds flying over the ocean. She looked at Misha's smiling face, reaching out to touch the crinkles of his eye. Jensen smiled; she did that to him whenever she saw his wide smile too. 

“When do me and Maisy get to put on our pretty dresses? Mama said we have to wait but I want to put it on now.” 

“Well baby girl, first everyone is going to eat lunch and then you and Maison and your boys are going to go swimming. Don't you want to wear your pretty blue bathing suit first?” Misha stared at her with serious eyes.

Misha spoke to the little girl like she was an equal and not a baby. It was something that Jensen loved about him. 

JJ was lost in thought, her own face showing just how hard she was contemplating the question. Jensen bit back a laugh, she was a lot like Misha when she did this. He could see the moment she made her decision. She looked over at Jensen and then leaned in to whisper in Misha's ear. His face lit up with happiness. He whispered something back, kissed the top of her head and put her down gently. She ran out of the room without a second glance. Jensen looked at Misha curiously.

“She said… she said she's going to put on her suit but she wants to surprise you because you haven't seen it.” Misha paused, his eyes full of wonder. “Jensen, she called me Daddy.” 

Jensen crossed the room and kissed the look off of Misha's face. “Don't look so surprised Dimitri. She really loves you.” Jensen wiped away the tear that had slipped down Misha's cheek. “Come on now babe, don't get me started.” Jensen wove their fingers together. “Let's go downstairs and make sure Jared doesn't break anything.” 

  


*******

  


The afternoon slipped by as the evening drew closer. Dani and Vicki made most of their last minute adjustments and the two men of honor enjoyed relaxing a bit with their parents and Jared’s family. All of the kids had woken up from their afternoon naps and had been bathed and dressed for the festivities. They were currently in the living room watching Moana on the flatscreen. For the amount of kids in attendance, the number of meltdowns was incredibly low. Everyone hoped that track record would hold. 

Jensen and Misha had slipped upstairs to get ready and as Jensen exited the bathroom, he stopped dead in his tracks, all the breath leaving his body. He mentally high fived himself as he looked at Misha standing next to the open sliding doors, the late afternoon sun filtering through the gauzy curtains that were being blown slightly by the ocean breeze. For Misha, Jensen had picked out a deep blue button up shirt to go with a pair of khaki colored linen pants. Misha had not yet buttoned the shirt closed and Jensen’s mouth watered at the sight of Misha’s perfect hips peeking out. The color of the shirt made the blue of Misha’s eyes pop and his hair was cut and styled just like Jensen preferred, wild and looking like he just crawled out of bed, the sides shaved close. Jensen had taken them the day before for haircuts and he may or may not have asked for them to match.

Misha turned to notice Jensen staring at him. “See something you like, little bunny?” Misha’s eyes were shining as he took in the sight in front of him. Misha was secretly thrilled to have let Jensen pick out their clothes because he had done an amazing job. Jensen was wearing matching linen pants and a light chambray colored button up, the first two buttons open to display his tanned collarbones. The light blue color was incredibly flattering on Jensen and Misha appreciated his choice. Green eyes met his as Misha took in the sight before him. They quickly met in the middle of the room, still unable to take their eyes off one another. 

Misha held a small wrapped box in his hand. He placed it in Jensen’s hands accompanied by a soft kiss to his lips. Jensen smiled into the kiss and presented his own giftbag that he was hiding behind his back. 

“Open yours first, I’ve been waiting weeks to give it to you.” Misha was practically vibrating. 

Jensen opened the little box to reveal a gorgeous watch. It had a black face with dark woodgrain surrounding it. The band was a dark brown leather. Jensen thought it was beautiful. 

“Flip it over.” This was the part Misha was anticipating. 

Engraved on the back of the watch were their initials and the date. 

“Mish… this is awesome. I love it. Thank you.” Jensen kissed his soon to be and put the watch on immediately. It went nicely with their matching leather bracelets, well worn after years of wear but still withstanding. The bracelets reminded Jensen of their relationship, in that way. The brand new watch was the perfect representation of their new beginning. 

“OK… your turn.” Jensen was just excited, especially knowing that their gifts were kind of similar. 

Misha carefully removed the tissue, folding it carefully. Knowing Misha, he was going to save it. The thought of that made Jensen blush. Misha slowly pulled out the present; a traveler’s notebook, made of dark brown leather. How it almost matched the band of Jensen’s watch, Misha would never know. A brown length of leather wrapped around the notebook, holding it closed. Misha’s initials graced the front of the cover. Misha thought it was lovely. He ran his hands over the cover softly. 

“Open it babe.” Jensen spoke softly, enjoying the moment. 

Misha unwrapped the cord and opened the notebook to see 3 black Moleskines inside. Most importantly was what was engraved inside the front cover: 

_ I will never be _

_ the first _

_ of so many things _

_ for you. I came too late, _

_ after life and love  _

_ were woven into the  _

_ tapestry _

_ of your existence. I care not _

_ about lost firsts, _

_ but I will fight, knuckles  _

_ bloody and teeth sharpened,  _

_ for your lasts.  _

_ take the old firsts _

_ and put them to rest,  _

_ silent below the dirt  _

_ and ash of all the new ones _

_ we will burn through.  _

_ Take them, but  _

_ give me the _

_ lasts. _

__ — TKG _ _

Jensen had also had his hand drawn bunny engraved in one corner, the same one he signed all his notes to Misha with.

As Misha read the words, Jensen started to recite the poem from memory. Misha looked at him, eyes full of joy. Jensen reciting poetry to him was one of the most beautiful things he had ever heard.

“See what happens when you mail me books Dimitri? Some of it was bound to stick sooner or later.” Jensen was smiling that smile he had been carrying for days. 

“Thank you for this, Jen. I’ve been looking to get one of these but I’d never have found something as perfect as this. I love you, so much.” Misha couldn’t wait any longer and finally brought their bodies together. 

This is how Dani and Vicki found them a bit later, wrapped around each other. Dani cleared her throat, announcing their arrival but hating to break the two men up. Jensen and Misha separated, laughing softly as they turned towards their wives. Vicki was wearing a gorgeous pant suit, tailored perfectly to her, almost matching the color of Misha’s shirt. Danneel had on a lovely chambray sun dress, her long hair braided into an intricate bun. They both looked beautiful. 

Both wives approached their husbands and Dani held two gift boxes of their own. 

“Ok Misha, I need to be serious with you for a minute here.” Vicki made sure Misha was looking into her eyes as she spoke, reaching out at the same time to button his shirt. “These are your rings. Your very expensive, brand new rings. And I hate to break it to you but you  _ cannot  _ lose this one ok? If you do, I won’t be the only one kicking your ass this time.” She glanced at Jensen who was smirking at her little speech. “I’m serious, these are very special and you will feel very bad if you leave it on a bathroom sink or however you’ve managed to lose three rings in the last ten years.” 

Danneel presented each of them with the box containing their new wedding rings. “This is our way of saying we love you both and we’re so happy for you.” 

The men unwrapped the boxes, finding nondescript rings inside. They looked just like their normal rings so when they exchanged a confused glance, the women laughed. 

“Look at the inside, dummies.” Vicki was cracking up. 

They each lifted their rings from the box to inspect the inner circle. On Jensen's ring, he could see Danneel’s name. As he turned the ring around, Misha's name was engraved on the other side. 

Misha's ring held Victoria etched into one side and Jensen on the other. 

Both men would be able to carry both of their partners forever, without anyone being any wiser. The rings were the perfect gift for their unusual arrangement. 

  


***

  


The time had finally come. Their guests were seated, waiting in a semi circle around a beautiful canopy made of birch. Jason Manns sat to one side, playing a lovely acoustic version of Wonderwall, at Jensen’s request.  Jared waited under the canopy for them, smiling as his best friends made their way to him. They didn't want anything traditional, always embracing that their relationship was different. Jared watched as Vicki and Misha walked towards him first; Vicki holding JJ and Misha holding Maison, the two little girls dressed in their pretty white dresses. West walked between them, holding each of their hands. Behind them came Danneel and Jensen, each holding one of the twins in their arms. Their families were being joined today so they made this journey together. 

Once they reached Jared, kids were distributed amongst family members and Jensen and Misha each received kisses from their wives who turned to stand beside them, before turning to each other in front of Jared. 

Jared cleared his throat and addressed the crowd.

“Good evening everyone. On behalf of the Ackles and Collins families, they would like to say how happy and blessed they are that you could join them this evening.

I have to let you all in on a secret. What you're here today to witness is something special. It's the joining of two families, two families who have chosen each other, chosen to finish this journey together. It's two men, who found each other amongst 4 billion people, who locked eyes for the first time across a barn and knew. Their hearts recognized each other in that moment, and that literally made sparks fly.”

The crowd laughed; Jensen and Misha smiled at Jared, their eyes dancing with joy. They stood together, hands clasped. Jensen would occasionally bring Misha's hand to his lips, using his other hand to brush the sporadic tears from Misha's face. 

Jared continued. “I heard a rumour that Jensen and Misha had pretty much one job today and that was to write their vows. This could get interesting. Misha, would you like to go first?” 

Misha ducked his head and cleared his throat. He looked Jensen in the eyes and saw his courage, his strength looking back at him. He took a deep breath. 

“Don't be surprised but I want to start with a poem.” He smiled shyly at Jensen who gave him an encouraging nod. 

_ “If you ever find yourself a stranger _

_ To your own heart _

_ I hope you find your way back  _

_ And remember that things change  _

_ And you will also. _

— Ziam Ricochet

Jensen, I know without a doubt that if you ever find yourself a stranger to your own heart, that you could easily find your way back. But I want you to know that, for the rest of my life, I will stand with you and help guide you back, should you ask me to. We've really taken our time to get here, wouldn't you agree?” He smiled. “Like Jared said, our story is a special one and no matter how long we took to get here, we did everything our way. No one in this world can take that from us. I love you more today than yesterday my little bunny, and I'm going to keep loving you for every single one of our days to come.” 

It was Misha's turn to wipe the tears from Jensen's face. Jensen leaned into his touch and turned his cheek to kiss Misha's open palm. Vicki leaned in and handed Jensen’s ring to Misha. He slipped it on Jensen’s finger with a smile. 

“Misha, for a long time, I thought I wasn't getting it right. I always knew what I had to do, what path was expected of me and I figured that as long as I was making choices that made so many other people happy, it would be ok. But I wasn't happy, not really. And then a blue eyed,  _ gorgeous _ , trench coat wearing, literal angel crashed into my life and everything in my perfectly structured existence went spinning completely out of control. 

From the start, you encouraged me to be me. You saw me for the person I am, never someone you expected me to be. You forced me to figure out what I wanted my life to be and you supported me when I decided to live it. Because you—you were the catalyst. I knew you were gonna be the one that saved me, Dimitri. I love you more today than yesterday and I'll never ever stop thanking you for loving me back.” 

Danneel handed Misha’s ring to Jensen and he put it on Misha’s hand, squeezing it before he let go. 

There wasn't a dry eye amongst them, including Jared’s. He cleared his throat before continuing. 

“I think we can all agree that we can count ourselves lucky if we find our one true love in this world.” He glanced fondly at Gen holding their new daughter in her arms. “Jensen and Misha however, might just be the luckiest. They found unconditional love with their wives and then again with each other. They share an overabundance of love and they are a great example to all of us, to not be scared of love, to embrace the unusual, and to never let ourselves be held back by what society expects of us. 

I’m grateful to call these two men my brothers and I’m proud to present them to you for the first time, joined together in love. You guys can finally kiss now. Thanks for restraining yourselves.” Jared finished his speech with a grin. 

Jensen had encouraged Misha to keep it kosher and they had even practiced their “church tongue” considering their mom’s were going to be watching. His efforts were futile as Misha went ahead and did his thing, grabbing Jensen and dipping him as he kissed him, his strong arms secured around Jensen’s frame. They both came up laughing as they joined hands and made their way back to the house, handing out gratuitous high fives along the way. 

As all of the families made their way to the small garden overlooking the ocean for photos, their guests enjoyed a cocktail hour as the chairs and the canopy were removed and replaced with tables and a small dance floor. Rob and Jason had tried to convince Jensen to let Louden Swain be their band but Jensen had asked them only to come as their guests and not to work. Either way, they showed up with their guitars, an amp or two, and a couple of microphones and somehow, a small stage that was currently being set up. Jensen could only shake his head at their ingenuity and collective stubbornness. 

Once Dani caught wind of the impromptu band being set up, she made an executive decision and handed microphones to Rob and Rich, declaring them the Masters of Ceremonies. Showing them the playlist that Jensen and Misha had made and providing the instructions for their entrance, she left it up to them. Both men were ecstatic with the role thrust upon them and jumped right in. First order of business was closing out the cocktail hour being held on the patio. 

“Alright folks, if we could have your attention. You may not know me or my friend here so let me make our introductions. I’m Rich and this handsome devil beside me is Rob. We are going to be your guides throughout tonight’s festivities which means you are in for a treat.” Rich was good at this and no one could deny it. 

Rob picked up where Rich left off, playing off him perfectly. “Don’t worry folks, I’ll do my best to make sure he keeps all his clothes on… this time.” 

“I make no promises!” Rich waggled his eyebrows. “Now! If everyone could just follow us back down to the yard, I think you’ll be pleased to find that we are ready to get this party started!” 

The crowd followed the two of them down the stairs and back to the grass that held the ceremony. 

“Now as you know, we’re burning traditional norms to the ground tonight so to your left is our boys’ version of a guest book!” Rich gestured to a table that held an empty bowl and a constructed Jenga game with a sign that read ‘Leave us a message, sign a Jenga piece!’ 

“Next to that, you’ll find your table assignments, with a twist!” Rob pointed out the table containing the table cards, each card attached to a toothpick that was speared through a lime, sitting on a shot glass full of tequila. This table’s sign read, ‘Take a Shot & Take a Seat’. 

“Don’t worry folks, if you don’t want to partake in that shot, bring it to us and we will dispose of it!” Rich turned his attention to the opposite side of the yard. “Over here we have our favorite part and if you’re ever looking for us, you’ll likely find us here… the open bar!” A cheer went up around them. 

Rob nodded enthusiastically. “You’ll also find some baskets full of blankets just in case that cool ocean breeze gets the better of you tonight. I’d recommend an alternative however and that would be just dancing your ass off all night!” 

“Now if everyone could take their shot and then their seat, I believe our guests of honor are just about ready to join us!” Rich took the lead and found his and Rob’s shot glasses. Both men held them up in encouragement and took their shots as instructed. 

They made their way to the stage and queued up the music that Jensen and Misha had decided on to make their entrance. Rich could see the families gathering on the patio, ready to come down. 

“Ok folks, let's do this!” Rich motioned for Rob to start the music. Coldplay’s “Adventure of a Lifetime” started playing as Rich started the introductions. “First up, it’s my pleasure to introduce America’s favorite, picture perfect family… The Padalecki’s! Jared, Genevieve, Tom, Shep, and the newest little princess, Odette!” 

Jared was holding Odette as Gen spun the two little boys around while they all danced their way to the dance floor. 

“Next up we have two of the most beautiful and  _ patient  _ women on the planet… Vicki Vantoch and Danneel Ackles along with West, Arrow and Zepp!” 

The two wives were each holding a twin while West attempted cartwheels across the grass. They joined the Padalecki’s on the dance floor. 

“And now, the moment you’ve all been waiting for….. Two men who look like they came in the picture frame… Jensen and Misha with their beautiful daughters, JJ and Maison!” 

Everyone cheered as Jensen holding Maison, and Misha holding JJ made their way to the dance floor, smiling their special smiles at each other as they went. 

“This right here is their first dance folks! Let’s hear it!” 

The three families came together, laughing and dancing. It was beautiful chaos and to them, there was nothing that would be able to top it. 

  


***

  


Dinner and dessert had been served. The dance floor was swamped all night while Jensen and Misha had made their way around the tables, greeting their guests and personally thanking everyone who had come. They were separated for the first time that night when they were at the bar with Rich, Rob, Jared, and Darius and the kids had dragged Jensen away to help them play the giant lawn Jenga game that was set up off to the side. Jensen had quickly shot off a few texts to Rob, Jared, and Dani. He played with the kids for about 10 minutes before Dani came to collect them. Jensen made his way to the stage, sending off the final text he needed to send. 

Misha was still at the bar, listening to Rich tell some crazy story about Rome. Everyone was buzzed and seemed to be enjoying themselves. Misha looked around for Jensen, seeing him by the stage talking to Rob. He was about to go and join them when Jared stopped him. 

“Dude, Mish, let's take a picture! I don’t think we’ve taken any tonight.” Jared was drunk and cuddly. 

Misha rolled his eyes but was happy to comply. He waited for Jared to get his phone out. “Are you going to take it or what?”

“Shit, my bad man. Can we use your phone? Mine’s dead.” 

Misha dug his phone out of his pocket for the first time that night and went to open the camera when a text from Jensen popped up. He looked over at Jensen again to see if he was trying to get his attention but he was still talking to Rob. He opened the text. 

Husband 8:51pm:  _ Hey hubby. There’s a chair waiting for you on the dance floor. Take a seat. _

Misha looked up sharply at Jared to find him with a goofy grin on his face, his eyebrow raised. “I’d do what he says Mish.” Jared winked and spun Misha around.

Things had changed drastically when Misha wasn’t looking. The dance floor was suddenly empty and Jensen was sitting on the stage with Rob. Rob had his guitar in his hands but somehow, and Misha may never know how, a small piano had made it’s way onto the stage with Jensen sitting behind it.  An empty chair sat waiting in front of them. Misha walked in a daze, his blood humming with nerves, wondering what Jensen was doing. Misha stared at him as he sat down. 

Jensen cleared his throat before speaking into the microphone. “Hey everyone. We can’t thank y’all enough for being here. It really means the world to us that we have so much support from our families and friends. I hope everyone is enjoying themselves and can excuse the break from dancing. I’d uh, like to sing a song to my husband now, if that’s alright with y’all.” Jensen was blushing as Misha stared at him, wide eyed. 

Jensen looked at Rob and they both started playing. Misha’s heart swelled as Jensen played the opening notes beautifully. 

**When the rain is blowing in your face,**

**And the whole world is on your case,**

**I could offer you a warm embrace**

**To make you feel my love.**

  


**When the evening shadows and the stars appear,**

**And there is no one there to dry your tears,**

**I could hold you for a million years**

**To make you feel my love.**

Jensen refused to break eye contact with Misha, hoping his eyes were speaking for him.

**I know you haven't made your mind up yet,**

**But I will never do you wrong.**

**I've known it from the moment that we met,**

**No doubt in my mind where you belong.**

  


**I'd go hungry; I'd go black and blue,**

**And I'd go crawling down the avenue.**

**No, there's nothing that I wouldn't do**

**To make you feel my love.**

The interlude started and suddenly; Misha was surrounded by the kids, all dropping folded pieces of paper onto his lap. West was handing him a small basket to stuff all the notes in. The girls were climbing up his lap, attempting to kiss his cheeks. Vicki and Dani were there too, dropping their own envelopes in the basket and kissing him on his forehead before they walked away. Misha didn’t think he could be anymore surprised. Jensen was laughing quietly on stage at the sight of them all. 

He started singing again.

**The storms are raging on the rolling sea**

**And on the highway of regret.**

**The winds of change are blowing wild and free,**

**You ain't seen nothing like me yet.**

  


**I will make you happy, make your dreams come true.**

**Nothing that I wouldn't do.**

**Go to the ends of the Earth for you,**

**To make you feel my love**

**To make you feel my love**

Jensen finished the song and hopped off the stage. He gently took the basket out of Misha’s hand and pulled him standing. He placed the basket on the chair and pulled Misha into his arms with the intent to kiss the dazed look off his face. Jensen nuzzled his nose against Misha's neck. 

“I love you so much Mishka.” Jensen whispered right into Misha's ear, making his whole body shiver. 

Misha quietly groaned into Jensen's ear. “Mmm my little bunny. I love you.” He kissed Jensen's face. “I love you.”

  


***

  


The night had to come to an end sooner or later. Their guests had all taken the limo busses back to their hotel. Jensen and Misha had spent thirty minutes kissing kids and wives goodnight and then another two hours having a nightcap with Jared in the grotto. They delivered him back to Gen in the guest house, the three of them all giggles.  

Now Misha sat on their bed as Jensen did his last checks to make sure lights were off and doors were locked around the house. Misha sat with the basket of notes, unfolding each one and laying it flat. There were a bunch of different drawings from the kids and a note from West. There was a note signed by Jared and Gen and some from their parents as well. Two letters were included, one from Vicki and one from Dani. Misha set them aside to read with Jensen later. He was looking at the kids’ drawings when he heard Jensen come inside. Misha looked up and smiled, his cheeks sore after having one of the best days of his life. 

“These are beautiful Jensen. Part of your surprise?” Misha gestured at the notes spread around him. 

“Mmmhmmm, the girls helped.” Jensen started peeling off his clothes. He was ready to wrap himself around Misha; around his husband, for the first of many nights together.

Misha stood and walked towards the French doors that opened to their own balcony. He opened them, taking in the fresh ocean air. As he took steps towards the railing, he glanced over his shoulder at Jensen. That glance was like a magnet and Jensen followed Misha outside, wrapping his arms around Misha's waist and hooking his chin over Misha’s shoulder. 

Misha bared his neck, giving Jensen the invitation he was waiting for. Jensen sealed his lips over Misha's neck, sucking lightly. Misha hummed and pressed back into Jensen who had started to unbutton Misha's shirt. Jensen had been aching to get his hands on Misha all night. Once Misha's shirt was open, he ran his hands up and down the man's chest softly, savoring the feeling of Misha's skin under his fingertips.

Misha reached up and carded a hand through Jensen's hair. He tugged lightly to get Jensen's attention. Jensen paused in his ministrations, waiting for Misha to speak. 

Misha's voice was soft. “How long are you going to love me Jensen?” 

Jensen brushed a kiss across Misha's jaw. “Forever, Misha. How long are you going to love me?” 

Misha turned, pressing a kiss to Jensen's temple. Jensen closed his eyes at the touch.

“Always.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Master playlist can be found [here](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLhyqv0_2arVoN5xuTzUVqVanGnR5iDc3k).
> 
> Songs used in this chapter:  
> [Hymn For the Weekend - Coldplay](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YykjpeuMNEk).  
> [Adventure of a Lifetime - Coldplay](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QtXby3twMmI).  
> [Make You Feel My Love - Adele](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0put0_a--Ng).
> 
> I'm pretty sure I'll never get tired of writing about these boys so there will be more of them to come. Thanks again to everyone who has read and commented and left kudos! 
> 
> Come say hi on [Tumblr!](https://casloveshisfreckles.tumblr.com/)

**Author's Note:**

> This story is going to be very music heavy, hence the title and the chapter name(s). 
> 
> Master playlist can be found [here](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLhyqv0_2arVoN5xuTzUVqVanGnR5iDc3k).
> 
> Songs used in this chapter:  
> [Wonderwall - Oasis](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6hzrDeceEKc).
> 
> Come say hi on [Tumblr!](https://casloveshisfreckles.tumblr.com/)


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